empathicfault | IC Inbox

Even if every word you've said to me is a lie, I'm not going anywhere.

[And this she sounds very, very sure of.]

It's... weird, with Bright. He sets me off more than most people, but I don't hate him.

[ His smile turns into something a little more vulnerable, as he blinks and looks down at his hands. ]

Yep. He's committed to trying to do the right thing. That's another trait you both share. His core is...maybe cracked, after what happened to him as a child, but still purely focused on doing good. Sometimes to his physical detriment. Definitely to his mental detriment.

[ But he's getting off track. ]

Maybe you resonate with that part, even if all the...packaging doesn't appeal.

Mm, I can try to, anyway. He can be really all or nothing sometimes.

[ He hums in agreement. ]

That's how his whole life has been. All or nothing. All that wealth and privilege and family, except the family went sour and no one will get close to him and everyone expects him to be a monster.

[ He shrugs. ]

I'm probably not the best person to do so, but I'm trying to get him to see some shades of gray. And to get comfortable with people actually liking him.

Not everyone expects him to be a monster here. He could have a fresh start.

I believe he's tried numerous 'fresh starts' before- in addition to changing his name. You know how tough it is to believe that you're not going to have the same experience you had in school? At work? Everywhere that your family isn't?

Even if he says it, it's going to take him a long while to truly believe that he's safe here from the things that he wasn't safe from before. Especially when he's always waiting for another Eiffel to slap him with the unfeeling psychopath label.

[ Will has not forgotten how devastated Malcolm was about that. His small frown shows that he also knows very well what that feels like. ]

Well, he's definitely not that. Neither of you are.

[Mindful of Jet, Shaw sits up a little on her elbows so that her gaze is more level with his.]

I don't think you're the best person to be the only person he confides in. That's one of the things I'm worried about.

Oh, yeah?

[ He raises an eyebrow, but follows it up with nodding. ]

I don't want him to be isolated. He's- oh, you probably haven't heard. He was invited awhile ago, and decided to join Lark's werewolf pack. So...uh, that's new?

That's... weird. But weirdly fitting for him.

[She pauses here, and then adds:]

Did you think I thought either of you were unfeeling psychopaths?

No. I've never been worried about that from you. I was more curious about what you were worried about, with me and him.

The werewolf thing- it is fitting for him, isn't it? You should see him.

[ And his demeanor immediately eases as he smiles. ]

Gray with a white undercoat, and with these bright blue eyes. He's not quite as fluffy as Iris, but just as soft. I did my best not to influence him there, but I'm glad he decided to go ahead and do it.

I worry about your histories and, uh, issues colliding in a bad way, mostly. I think his all-or-nothing thinking makes him prone to idealizing you, and your relationship history means there's a high chance of things going weird unless he's really on his game.

[ All right, all right...they'll talk about this and not what an awesome wolf Malcolm makes. Will looks up at the ceiling, his smile fading. ]

I told my crush that she dodged a bullet three relationships ago. So yeah, I know...that's an issue. All I can say is that I don't want him hurt, and I don't--

[ He purses his lips and shakes his head. ]

I really want this. I feel safe with him. I'm hoping...we've been through so many strange, unique-but-still-similar experiences. I'm hoping that we can help each other through that. And not create some sort of feedback loop that makes us both worse.

[look buddy you can totally talk about wolf stuff later, but first, BUSINESS]

I know you want it. I'm not telling you you shouldn't have it, or that you can't have it. I just wanna make sure it gets done right, and that's concerning, because I think there are a lot of ways it could go wrong. And I know I'm not the best person to help you navigate around that, because I suck at relationships.

[ Will can't help but smile a bit in disbelief. ]

I don't know, you seemed to have figured something out that worked for you.

[Shaw doesn't flinch on the outside, but she does on the inside, a little (a dropped stone plinking against the walls of the bottomless cavern within her; a hand flailing against a translucent plastic sheet). She's been trying not to think about Root, lately. Tattoos and memories and mental escapes are all well and good when she thinks she might be able to bring her back, but the unreality of the Barge has been hitting her especially strongly lately, and it's all too easy to imagine that the promise of a magic resurrection deal is just another trick - and one that she would have to be impossibly gullible to fall for.]

Pure random chance.

[She says with a shrug, her tone of voice unchanged.]

Trust me, that doesn't mean I know how to do relationships.

[ Will doesn't catch it all- it's extremely hard to, even when he's trying. But he still gets the feeling that he's stepped wrong. He just notes it, for now, and moves on. ]

Hmmm, maybe not. I guess.

But you're still in a better position than either Malcolm or me, I think. Do you know what 'doing it right' looks like to you?

There are... a lot of different ways to do it right. Just like there are a lot of different ways to do it wrong. My parents did it right.

[But a single relationship isn't a good blueprint, particularly not when any memories she had of them together ended when she was only ten years old.]

With you two? Probably a little more easing into things than full steam ahead.

[ See? She's already ahead of both of them, having a good example. Although her recommendation already has him chuckling somewhat uncomfortably. ]

Well...I haven't proposed marriage yet?

[ He has thought about it... ]

Good, because you only met like two months ago.

[Or three or maybe four or whatever. Time is weird.]

Your whole reason for being here is your history with unhealthy relationships, Will.

I've been here five months.

[ It's a gentle correction, because some of that time was Breach and some Shaw wasn't awake for. He regrets the gentleness a bit as she moves on- his eyebrows shoot up at the next statement. ]

My whole reason?

In context? Yeah. I mean-- you're here because of the murder and the manipulation and the harm you've done to others, but taking those actions at face value would be pretty reductive.

[ Those eyebrows stay up, but he's clearly thinking it over. After some mulling, he releases all his breath in one sigh and nods. ]

...I never had the same boundaries that other people automatically had in place. With my condition, it wasn't a possibility. So I built physical walls, as much as possible. Distance. Automatic responses to keep people away. It was hardly foolproof- you've read that for yourself. But it helped.

And I'm...not allowed any of those here. It's all oriented to let more people in- the floods, the breaches, the lack of space. I am more exposed here than I have been in decades. So...honestly, I don't know what directions I should be leaning in.

That... makes a lot of sense, actually. And I don't want to discourage you doing that.

[She pauses.]

I just worry about you two ending up with that same closed-off-to-outsiders, codependent, us-against-the-world partnership you had with Lecter. Just because Bright is a major upgrade doesn't mean that kind of thing is a good thing, you know?

[ Will nods about the first part- he truly hadn't been sure if attempting to go with the 'open and honest' theme the Barge seemed to encourage was doing good for him, or if Shaw was aware of problems he wasn't. The clarification helps- and he's glad to understand her concern. ]

I know. And I know that both him and I are very susceptible to developing codependency. It's possible we're both keeping an eye out for it, in different ways. I'm not focusing all my attention on him, I'm trying to learn new things for my own benefit, I am spending time with others. Is that- is there anything else I could do to ease your mind on that front?

Talk to me about it, including the stuff you think I won't approve of-- no, actually, especially the stuff you think I won't approve of. I know that sounds backwards, but if you're open about the hinky stuff then I'm gonna worry less that there's something nuts going on behind the scenes. A couple months ago, you called him possessive, and you sounded like you thought that was a good thing. How's that going?

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