empathicfault | IC Inbox

[ All right, all right...they'll talk about this and not what an awesome wolf Malcolm makes. Will looks up at the ceiling, his smile fading. ]

I told my crush that she dodged a bullet three relationships ago. So yeah, I know...that's an issue. All I can say is that I don't want him hurt, and I don't--

[ He purses his lips and shakes his head. ]

I really want this. I feel safe with him. I'm hoping...we've been through so many strange, unique-but-still-similar experiences. I'm hoping that we can help each other through that. And not create some sort of feedback loop that makes us both worse.

[look buddy you can totally talk about wolf stuff later, but first, BUSINESS]

I know you want it. I'm not telling you you shouldn't have it, or that you can't have it. I just wanna make sure it gets done right, and that's concerning, because I think there are a lot of ways it could go wrong. And I know I'm not the best person to help you navigate around that, because I suck at relationships.

[ Will can't help but smile a bit in disbelief. ]

I don't know, you seemed to have figured something out that worked for you.

[Shaw doesn't flinch on the outside, but she does on the inside, a little (a dropped stone plinking against the walls of the bottomless cavern within her; a hand flailing against a translucent plastic sheet). She's been trying not to think about Root, lately. Tattoos and memories and mental escapes are all well and good when she thinks she might be able to bring her back, but the unreality of the Barge has been hitting her especially strongly lately, and it's all too easy to imagine that the promise of a magic resurrection deal is just another trick - and one that she would have to be impossibly gullible to fall for.]

Pure random chance.

[She says with a shrug, her tone of voice unchanged.]

Trust me, that doesn't mean I know how to do relationships.

[ Will doesn't catch it all- it's extremely hard to, even when he's trying. But he still gets the feeling that he's stepped wrong. He just notes it, for now, and moves on. ]

Hmmm, maybe not. I guess.

But you're still in a better position than either Malcolm or me, I think. Do you know what 'doing it right' looks like to you?

There are... a lot of different ways to do it right. Just like there are a lot of different ways to do it wrong. My parents did it right.

[But a single relationship isn't a good blueprint, particularly not when any memories she had of them together ended when she was only ten years old.]

With you two? Probably a little more easing into things than full steam ahead.

[ See? She's already ahead of both of them, having a good example. Although her recommendation already has him chuckling somewhat uncomfortably. ]

Well...I haven't proposed marriage yet?

[ He has thought about it... ]

Good, because you only met like two months ago.

[Or three or maybe four or whatever. Time is weird.]

Your whole reason for being here is your history with unhealthy relationships, Will.

I've been here five months.

[ It's a gentle correction, because some of that time was Breach and some Shaw wasn't awake for. He regrets the gentleness a bit as she moves on- his eyebrows shoot up at the next statement. ]

My whole reason?

In context? Yeah. I mean-- you're here because of the murder and the manipulation and the harm you've done to others, but taking those actions at face value would be pretty reductive.

[ Those eyebrows stay up, but he's clearly thinking it over. After some mulling, he releases all his breath in one sigh and nods. ]

...I never had the same boundaries that other people automatically had in place. With my condition, it wasn't a possibility. So I built physical walls, as much as possible. Distance. Automatic responses to keep people away. It was hardly foolproof- you've read that for yourself. But it helped.

And I'm...not allowed any of those here. It's all oriented to let more people in- the floods, the breaches, the lack of space. I am more exposed here than I have been in decades. So...honestly, I don't know what directions I should be leaning in.

That... makes a lot of sense, actually. And I don't want to discourage you doing that.

[She pauses.]

I just worry about you two ending up with that same closed-off-to-outsiders, codependent, us-against-the-world partnership you had with Lecter. Just because Bright is a major upgrade doesn't mean that kind of thing is a good thing, you know?

[ Will nods about the first part- he truly hadn't been sure if attempting to go with the 'open and honest' theme the Barge seemed to encourage was doing good for him, or if Shaw was aware of problems he wasn't. The clarification helps- and he's glad to understand her concern. ]

I know. And I know that both him and I are very susceptible to developing codependency. It's possible we're both keeping an eye out for it, in different ways. I'm not focusing all my attention on him, I'm trying to learn new things for my own benefit, I am spending time with others. Is that- is there anything else I could do to ease your mind on that front?

Talk to me about it, including the stuff you think I won't approve of-- no, actually, especially the stuff you think I won't approve of. I know that sounds backwards, but if you're open about the hinky stuff then I'm gonna worry less that there's something nuts going on behind the scenes. A couple months ago, you called him possessive, and you sounded like you thought that was a good thing. How's that going?

That-

[ God, she's never going to let that go, is she? He looks down at his hands before answering. ]

That was projection, looking back at it. I didn't want to stop seeing him, I didn't want to see anyone else, and I was reaching for what'd put you off. I'm possessive, and I didn't want to lose my time with him.

That's become more obvious when those bugs were here, and- there was a party recently that he brought me to. He got punched, out of the blue by Laura. He has Gaius' healing, so he was fine, but- Neal came by afterward to check on him. And he was drunk- there was a lot of touching.

[ Will narrows his eyes a bit, but he's not even annoyed. Just unsure. ]

I got Malcolm out of the party as quickly as I could. The mood was ruined anyway, but- I wanted him away from Neal.

[Aha. Well, that certainly makes a lot of sense, too. She sits up on her elbows a little more, studying him.]

Does Bright know?

That...I'm possessive?

[ His mind flashes back to that night and the words he said to Malcolm after they were finally alone again. ]

I'm pretty sure he's aware by now. But we've never talked about that, specifically.

That you're possessive in general, and that you wanted him away from Caffrey in that specific instance. Did you talk about that?

No, we haven't. I've been trying to be understanding of their situation. And I've always tried to mind my own business when it came to Neal being his inmate.

Not that it helped things when Neal got sent back home, but I don't think I made any of it worse.

Okay. And do you get why isolating Malcolm from a concerned friend was a crappy thing to do, and an impulse you shouldn't have followed, even if neither of them knew that's what you were doing? Or are you okay with having done that?

[It's not said with anger or judgement or disappointment - she's asking both matter-of-factly, and genuinely.]

I'm okay with it.

[ He doesn't even have to think about that. ]

I gave them space. I didn't move in to physically separate them, even though Neal was very clearly drunk. Possibly because of that, as that was why he got handsy. I didn't stop their conversation. I feel I was the appropriate level of polite.

If I'd actually followed my impulse, I know that would've been...crappy. But I didn't. I feel I've been extremely respectful towards Neal, because I know he's been going through a lot lately.

[ His eyebrows twitch and that's the only indication that he's annoyed about this line of questioning. ]

... Okay. That's not what you just told me, though; you told me you got him out of there as quickly as possible because you wanted him away from Neal.

I did, although- I should've been clearer and said 'as quickly as was socially acceptable.' I let Neal check on him and make sure he was okay, then declared myself done with the party. Malcolm came with me.

No one even had their feelings hurt, as far as I could tell. But I still wanted him away from Neal at the time. Does that make more sense?

Yeah. And that is better than if you'd been a dick about it, or hustled Caffrey away early. But friends touch each other sometimes, and it doesn't mean Caffrey wants to steal your boyfriend away, so it's still a worrying impulse, you know? Not the worst thing, but something to keep an eye on.

[Shaw shifts around, breaking eye contact for a moment to look at the ceiling, at the dog, and at the walls before settling her gaze back on him.]

For the record. Even if you had shoved Caffrey out of the way and, I don't know, forced Bright out of the room, I'd still want to be your warden.

[ That actually makes Will smile. ]

I believe you. I know why you keep trying to convince me you'll stay on, but you don't have to go to the trouble.

Uh- also. Neal's still in love with Malcolm. I'm pretty sure.

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