empathicfault | IC Inbox

Okay. And do you get why isolating Malcolm from a concerned friend was a crappy thing to do, and an impulse you shouldn't have followed, even if neither of them knew that's what you were doing? Or are you okay with having done that?

[It's not said with anger or judgement or disappointment - she's asking both matter-of-factly, and genuinely.]

I'm okay with it.

[ He doesn't even have to think about that. ]

I gave them space. I didn't move in to physically separate them, even though Neal was very clearly drunk. Possibly because of that, as that was why he got handsy. I didn't stop their conversation. I feel I was the appropriate level of polite.

If I'd actually followed my impulse, I know that would've been...crappy. But I didn't. I feel I've been extremely respectful towards Neal, because I know he's been going through a lot lately.

[ His eyebrows twitch and that's the only indication that he's annoyed about this line of questioning. ]

... Okay. That's not what you just told me, though; you told me you got him out of there as quickly as possible because you wanted him away from Neal.

I did, although- I should've been clearer and said 'as quickly as was socially acceptable.' I let Neal check on him and make sure he was okay, then declared myself done with the party. Malcolm came with me.

No one even had their feelings hurt, as far as I could tell. But I still wanted him away from Neal at the time. Does that make more sense?

Yeah. And that is better than if you'd been a dick about it, or hustled Caffrey away early. But friends touch each other sometimes, and it doesn't mean Caffrey wants to steal your boyfriend away, so it's still a worrying impulse, you know? Not the worst thing, but something to keep an eye on.

[Shaw shifts around, breaking eye contact for a moment to look at the ceiling, at the dog, and at the walls before settling her gaze back on him.]

For the record. Even if you had shoved Caffrey out of the way and, I don't know, forced Bright out of the room, I'd still want to be your warden.

[ That actually makes Will smile. ]

I believe you. I know why you keep trying to convince me you'll stay on, but you don't have to go to the trouble.

Uh- also. Neal's still in love with Malcolm. I'm pretty sure.

-- Seriously?

Oh.

Yeah.

[ This is why he thinks he's been doing pretty well with Neal. ]

Do you... know how Bright feels about that?

Malcolm didn't know until Neal came back. He thought- and might still think- that Neal was just responding to Malcolm's kindness early on in their pairing. I...don't know. I've tried to stay out of it.

[ He takes in a deep breath, then smiles wanly. ] Of course, my mind doesn't make that easy.

Yeah. It's, uh-- not something I have personal experience with, but I get how that would make things harder.

[ Will nods. ]

I think he's trying to move on from Malcolm, but feelings don't always follow what you tell them to. I'm pretty much an expert on that.

But even when Neal was at his angriest, he never raised a hand to me. He's a good guy. I'm trying to give him time.

You think hanging out with him more would help?

...Me? No. He doesn't like me. I can't really blame him.

He's still willing to have me in art class, though. So I'll probably keep going.

You think... hanging around you more in a social capacity would help him tolerate you more? 'Cause I was going to suggest we get drinks or something.

Hmmm...probably wouldn't hurt to try. But he's someone who can have a pleasant conversation with just about anyone, even people he hates. I don't know if that sways him at all.

Although- he might be different around you, since you're close.

We met during that warden-inmate swap flood. We got close during a breach. Which is probably a little... weird, but yeah. You want me to ask?

Sure. Let's give it a try.

Okay.

[She pauses, just focusing on the dog for a few moments.]

Is it weird if I say I'm proud of you?

You are?

[ It's not weird, he's just not expecting it. And that question takes precedence right now. ]

Yeah. You're talking about this stuff, which isn't easy and probably sucks.

[ He breaks into a chuckle. ]

Well, you're right about that. And hearing all my problems reduced down to 'relationship issues' made me feel like a dumb kid.

But- I'm not exactly here to take it easy, right? I'm...trying to take the help, now that it's actually being offered.

[ It would be extremely ungrateful of him not to, after he asked and begged for help for so long back home, only to be met with silence or accusations. ]

[Shaw makes a face, though it's not really directed at him.]

I didn't mean for it to sound like that. They're really massive, complicated, existential relationship issues. And, uh, anyway-- I'm pretty sure a lot more things can be boiled down to that than people would admit.

[ He still looks amused. ]

I bet you're right. And I know you didn't. That's just how it hit me in the moment. Probably because I was feeling defensive, because I know you're right.

[ And after a long moment's thought: ] It's a lot easier to ignore the intensely toxic nature of a relationship when you're romanticizing everything about it.

And when you have a partner who thinks you can do no wrong, yeah. That puts all the responsibility on you.

[Responsibility that she worries Will isn't capable of fully carrying yet.]

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