empathicfault | IC Inbox

I also never railed, and never had to try to force myself to trust. Falling into line was natural for me. You aren't like that.

I'm not. I'm not a leader, but I'm sure as hell not a follower. Not a soldier.

When I have other people's feelings and motivations in my head, I have to hold onto my autonomy as hard as I can. I have to fight for it or else I'll be subsumed. I learned that before I was even out of elementary school.

I know. It's not my personal experience, but I do get that. And I also get that I'm the biggest parallel to the FBI that this place has. I appreciate that you don't fight me every step of the way here because of that.

Yeah, well-- I made the decision on my own, that I trusted you. It wasn't exactly an easy decision to make, even if I did make it early on.

And while we disagree sometimes, you haven't failed me yet. [ He smiles slightly. ] So welcome to that extremely exclusive club.

You haven't failed me, either.

[She sounds a little discomforted saying that, because it's loaded language - and she knows that's exactly how Jack Crawford would have phrased it, either directly or by implication.]

Even when I've been disappointed or aggravated, I, uh-- I've never thought of it as you failing. But I disagree that I haven't failed you. I'm not letting myself off the hook for that sword curse thing.

Not when you were literally cursed?

[ Will raises his eyebrows, but there's a small smile on his lips. ]

You were- and are- dealing with trauma. I know that doesn't excuse everything, but consider that it's hard to know how that'll manifest in you, with how you interpret emotions. You have to navigate a lot of it alone.

Yeah. You're not wrong.

But the second I start using that as an excuse to not do right by you, I've failed you even more. I came here to do a job, and you didn't sign up for a defective warden.

[ He looks down. He rolls his tongue over his teeth, indicating some deeper thought. ]

So...in that case, the best thing you can do is to keep working on processing that trauma, right?

Mmm. I'm still working with Sheehan, even though he's quitting the counseling office.

[ Will nods. ]

Glad he's not giving all of it up. You gonna try art therapy at all?

[The absolutely befuddled look that she gives him is probably answer enough, but--]

Art therapy? Me?

[ Will grins, briefly. He knows. But still... ]

Hey, it could get you more in touch with your emotions. Or you could find sketching objects relaxing. You never know. I didn't think it'd do anything for me, either. And now...

[ Well, he won't go into it, but they've both seen his cabin (and the wealth of paints in it) lately. ]

[Yeah, that skeptical look isn't fading; sorry, Will.]

I can't picture it. I was never any good at art class when I was a kid - none of my stuff ever came out looking like it was supposed to.

It's not about being good with it. It's more about engaging a different sense than you usually use, while you're processing feelings. Or in your case, maybe teasing out their meaning. The more you engage it, the easier it is to look at topics you have difficulty engaging with, using different perspectives.

So I could see it either being really helpful for you or doing absolutely nothing at all, with no in-between.

[ He doesn't really have a horse in this race. He's just musing, honestly. ]

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