empathicfault | IC Inbox

Will is deeply, desperately tempted for it to be the latter, just so he can keep some of this for himself. He reminds himself that he's not giving up everything for scrutiny, just enough to appease Shaw. Enough to make sure he isn't twisting things in a way that'll hurt Malcolm. He doesn't have to get Malcolm involved in that sort of carefulness, too.

"Careful that I'm not isolating you, that I'm not losing myself to you or vice versa. Careful in that we at least consider an outside perspective on our relationship. Even if...I don't think anyone else is going to fully understand it."

Malcolm smiles softly at that last part. The most enchanting thing about this is being seen and still accepted. More than accepted. Seen and still sought. He thinks maybe people can understand that much but they can't understand how far into their cores it goes in their case.

"Well... we still have our own friends that we still spend time with. See? This is the safest place to gauge that, because we have friends to use as a metric."

He scratches Winston's head absently.

"I don't mind Shaw being nosy in the interest of her duty to you. It's just... she was doing the thing that Sweeney's been doing where she had a meltdown every time I disagreed with her or misunderstood her. That's the part I want them to stop. I talked to both of them before I even met you. I just want them to be normal about it."

He takes Will hand and presses a kiss inside his wrist.

"I told her you were staying over more because she implied she wanted me to be more... wardeny in my thinking and I thought she would appreciate a heads up about where you'd be spending a lot of time. And then I thought... she seems the type to maybe help herself to your space if she wants to check in, so I added that she should knock, though. She asked if I was bragging. You know. About having all the sex all the time. I was like... you just asked me to be Wardeny about this; why can't you see the context?"

Will listens, and it makes more sense the more Malcolm relaxes and the more specifics he goes into. And he can't help but be extremely charmed by the kiss to his wrist. He closes his eyes so he can savor the feeling more, a content smile on his face.

He nods a little as Malcolm finishes talking. "I'm starting to think we should all three of us spend more time together, now that I don't have to worry about your feelings for Shaw interfering with my feelings for you. You- neither of you- interact with people in a 'normal' way. You both are coming from opposite ends of the emotional spectrum, and it puts your communication at odds."

He sits up just a little to face Malcolm a bit more. "Shaw is used to putting in more effort to try and interpret facial expressions and movements as other people's emotions about something. You have that with no effort, but you also communicate with a strong emotional component. You don't hide yours like I got used to." The fond look on his face makes it clear he appreciates that. "But Shaw is always looking for the subtext she might be missing, and there just...isn't any, from you. You would've said it out loud, if you wanted to brag. Right?"

"Yes, thank you! I would have bragged if I wanted to brag. Like. 'By the way, guess how much sex I'm having? A lot'," he demonstrates with earnest. He frowns faintly. "She started trying to get me to explain why I... say what I say and stuff and I asked her to call you and she said no. I think it would have been less painful. I wanted to bring you in. We need... training wheels."

Will half-hides his amusement at Malcolm's example. He doesn't mind it at all. But he does settle down as Malcolm frowns.

"You might. But I can understand her trying to get your separate perspective on our relationship while I'm not there to influence it. You and her just bounce off each other like rubber balls. It might help if you both stopped inferring anything from tone or body language and went purely off of the words you say to each other. If you both trust that the other will be honest- and you both are remarkably honest- you'd both have an easier time of it."

But that's as much advice as he's going to give. He rubs Malcolm's shoulder and asks, somewhat more gently, "What was painful about it?"

"That's what I did," he promises. "But she assumes I'm reading into things even when I'm not and she doesn't believe what I tell her... it wasn't about our relationship anymore, by the time I asked for you. It had gone into... everywhere. But that wasn't the worst, really. She kept insisting that I should ask her questions, too, and she'd answer honestly. So... I asked her if she told Eiffel that what he said to me at the Lestat meeting was out of line. The short version is that she didn't and she thinks it's fine because he thought he was protecting Neal, even though he actually wasn't and then she thought equating what Laura and Eiffel did with what Lestat did was 'over the top' and I was trying to leave but the elevator wouldn't come fast enough and I asked her what the threshold of harm was, in her view, for hurting someone just to hurt them to be unacceptable and all she said was that Lestat bled me so badly that I almost passed out and redirected the conversation to whether or not I actually did pass out but all I could think was that.... that wasn't really an answer. Or else the bar is basically death and she didn't want to say it outright."

Will's frown deepens as Malcolm continues, and it comes down to that damn meeting again. And hearing what Shaw thought makes him huff out a breath and bite his lip. He's going to have to ask about that. About a lot of this.

But for now, he pulls Malcolm into another hug, careful of Winston as he does so. He kisses the side of Malcolm's head and then gives him a gentle kiss on the lips. "I'm sorry," he says, because someone should. "Feels like a damn junior high here sometimes. A junior high with murderers. Just our luck, huh?"

And with that context, he adds gently, "I'll talk to her, okay? About this."

“I wish I could handle this without that, but. I think it’s pretty clear that I can’t. She wants to build understanding between us and I told her important emotional work can’t be done all at once or by force. So… for the next one… I think you should be there. I’d like it if you could be there,” Malcolm tells him. “I think we’ll get farther if you can be there at first.”

"Okay," Will says, shifting back to hug Malcolm's shoulders from the side. "I think that's a good idea. Maybe actually schedule it beforehand? I don't mind treating her like a couples' counselor." He snorts at the thought, though. "Or maybe more like a parole officer, checking in on whether I'm committing love crimes."

He leans his head up against Malcolm's. "My...position has made it so you're getting invasive questions on your private life- as if we didn't have enough issues coming into this. I apologize. I can only hope I'll be worth it, as time goes on."

"I didn't mind those ones so much. ...Maybe next time, I'll brag," he teases with a grin, closing his eyes to focus on the warmth of being snuggled up there. His expression grows serious again, though he doesn't open his eyes. "The only one I didn't want to answer - and didn't at all - was the demand to know all the future plans we've talked about. I don't want to tell her we're going to get our own ship and go anywhere. She'll be like... I knew it! You're going to isolate yourselves on a ship! But, really, if we get the kind of ship we want, we'll be able to visit anyone, any time we want. No matter where they go after this. I think it'll make us more social than if we just have them drop us in one world or another." There's a pause. "Do you think living on a space boat will be like when you lived on a houseboat?"

"Might be something like it," Will replies with a smile. It's a nice thought, just docking in different worlds whenever they want to settle for a bit, staying in the spots they like. "Although hopefully the engine'll break down less."

The plan still makes him feel warm and content inside. He'd never felt entirely comfortable in a house, not even his place in Wolf Trap. He didn't know what to do with it, other than exist inside it. His dogs were what made it home. He'd never felt the need to set roots down.

He squeezes Malcolm's shoulder before addressing his worry. "I don't think Shaw would hate the idea, by the way. Especially if I explain why I want to do it this way. That I want to see new things and help people, and I don't want to lose track of anyone I've gotten close to here. She'd understand that." He closes his eyes, briefly, and imagines it. "It'd let me help her out, too- she...actually offered to take me back to her world, after graduation. If I wanted. She thought I'd work well with her team."

“Even if I thought she’d take it well - and she rarely takes things well when I say them - I didn’t think it was fair to ask me that behind your back,” Malcolm tells him. “It’s ours.”

Will can't help it- that makes him grin with delight. "It is. But I don't mind telling her if you you're all right with it. It'll keep being ours." Maybe he'll just leave off the part of wanting to solve people's problems via violent murder. "Do you know what you'd want it to look like? We could probably ask for anything."

Edited 2023-07-29 00:50 (UTC)

"I don't mind what the outside looks like. I just want it to be... kind of open concept inside. Like my apartment. ...I have claustrophobia," Malcolm says. "But not too big. Cozy."

"Your loft's style. Open, with plenty of space to put souvenirs," Will notes, mildly paraphrasing. "Might feel a little empty for our first couple of trips, but we'll fill it up. The outside should be something we could hide...a vehicle might be too anachronistic. Like a tree? Or maybe just a door. I don't know, I'll have to think on that one. Oh- a sort-of Enclosure-like open space for the dogs, maybe. In case we need to keep them in."

He'd meant for it to just be a mild distraction, but it's fun to think about. A home for both of them. Something that feels appropriate.

"Just a door? Can it be just a door? ...But then it'd have to be bigger on the inside," Malcolm says with a giggle.

"I don't think the Admiral has too many problems with non-Euclidean space. He could probably manage that. Especially if we're traveling between dimensions," Will says, with an amused grin. "Don't you think?"

Malcolm smiles broadly and snuggles closer against his side.

“Look out, multiverse.”

"Mmmmm," hums Will, in an agreement full of contentment. "And until we get that set up, we'll be riding on this big boat. Not too many people seem to like it like we do, I've noticed."

That's not to say that Will hasn't been frustrated by it, or messed up by a thing or two. But compared to home, this place is great. Besides, it's the people that he's had problems with, mostly.

"Iris understands. She might be the only one."

“I’ve noticed that,” Malcolm agrees. He pauses, then opens his eyes and tilts his head to look up at Will. “I did tell Shaw that I won’t give you up. I won’t.”

Will smiles down at Malcolm. "I won't give you up, either. Never. If that's something I have to do to graduate, then this whole system isn't what we thought it was."

And they'd figure out some other way to get him out of there, then. "But that's not the impression I've gotten from this place."

"Me either," Malcolm agrees, settling back against Will's shoulder. "Love is something, existentially, the Admiral seems to want people to have more of.'

"Sure seems that way. Especially with all the couples and...more there end up being around here." Will seems almost amused by that.

"And considering some of the inmates, there might be more of a focus on recovery than pure 'rehabilitation'. Learning to care for yourself again, that sort of thing. There's no way cutting people off is going to be part of that."

“Exactly. People who’ve lost love or are unloved, people who are isolated, people who haven’t experienced real connection with others or affection… they’re the ones that turn to violence and antisocial behaviour, statistically,” Malcolm notes.

"And the curse passes on," Will replies, in far less analytical fashion. "It does seem like this place is focused on turning it all the opposite way. Even for the wardens, sometimes."

He hums thoughtfully, before continuing on. "Shaw talked to me about that, too. The relationship things. She thought the whole reason I'm here is because of relationship issues, and- after I thought about it a minute, I think she might be right. I've never actually interacted with people in a normal way. And here all my coping mechanisms have been taken away. I feel like I'm...stumbling in the dark, sometimes."

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