empathicfault | IC Inbox

And I don't have to ask if you had misconceptions spread about you at home. Just like me, there, but with that extra hint of being the one most wronged in any scenario.

I'm sorry, Malcolm. You can always talk things out with me here, at least. And I think Shaw understands you better now, too. And maybe the rest doesn't matter, so much.

…I got in an argument with Raylan. I’m still going to see him. I need to talk to him. Francis is always kind to me. And Kiryu. And John Doe. I told you this place is better than home.

Undoubtedly.

[ For people like them, at least. Okay, enough moping about not having good advice or a helpful perspective. Compared to his life at home? Everything's going pretty good here. ]

God, I've been around too many people lately. Maybe once things settle down we can go to the Enclosure for a day trip. Take the dogs and find some nature. Maybe my house in Wolf Trap, if you'd be interested.

[You definitely know how to distract him, Will.]

Your cabin back home? Yes, please! …I still owe you a crime scene. Maybe next week after we decompress from… all this.

Sorry. If I made it harder for you. Or. More demanding on you.

[ If he'd been doing better himself, he would've figured out a distraction earlier.

The apology warms his heart. Not many people ever apologized to Will in his lifetime. ]

Thank you. But I do like your big feelings. It's more the number of people who are all feeling very contradictory things, that makes it tougher to handle. I'd rather people don't lie, though, to themselves or others. So, I'll take this instead.

My cabin back home isn't that exciting. It's mostly a few more rooms that I don't use, and a standard kitchen. But the fields are nice. Very good for running, if you'd want to try that with the dogs.

Oh, do you u.... oh, you mean with the dogs. Like. As a dog. I'm not used to that yet.

[ Will chuckles. ]

I'm sure it'll take a while. Yes, that's what I meant. It's an option, if it sounds enjoyable to you.

Edited 2023-07-20 20:07 (UTC)

As long as we don’t have to kill any animals.

Not at all. Just a nice time in the woods, with a convenient house nearby.

That was pretty rough on you, huh? The moose?

I feel like I can still taste it.

Yeah. I know how much you've avoided hunting for a kill.

I think it’s supposed to be different as a wolf but… it’s kind of… not, exactly.

How did it feel, doing that?

And if you need more time to process, don't feel like you need to answer. But I know what it'd be like for me.

…You do? What would it be like?

For a moose? It'd feel kind of...like a waste of life. The chase would be fun, but the eating, maybe less so. But I don't know about how your taste changes, or pack dynamics. I could see there being a rush all working together to take down something much larger.

Now, if we're talking about a person, someone who deserves a downfall, that's a different story. The last couple of times I did that, it was a blissful experience.

But the first time was terrifying. I felt stained. Guilty. Because I knew I shouldn't enjoy it, and I did anyway.

You’re not a bad person. [He’s sure of that. So what does that mean?] …Do you ever worry about the line getting blurrier and blurrier about what constitutes someone ‘deserving a downfall’?

[ 'Repeat it enough times and maybe it'll be true' he thinks, but does not say. He treasures Malcolm's belief in him, even if it might be misplaced. It makes him want to be more careful. ]

...back home I did. Because the only one I would've had with me would've been Hannibal, and he doesn't- he didn't care about that. It was all aesthetics to him. Honestly? That's why I decided to take him with me off that cliff.

Here is a different matter. People are constantly asking questions to reaffirm our feelings. And- I accomplished what I wanted back home. I don't think anyone less horrible would've felt so satisfying. Taking that power back for me was important.

Were you considering just jumping?

Never. Whatever happened with me and Hannibal, it was going to be together. I'd planned it out that way.

Besides, I'd promised him a reckoning.

You had to kill him because he killed you?

Because he made me think I had killed Abigail. Because he tried to make it my fault when he killed Abigail himself.

Because he left a man broken and folded into the shape of a heart as a love letter to me, and because I understood that.

Because he changed me and I didn't get a say in it until after the process was in motion.

There were a lot of reasons.

Do you miss who you used to be?

I never knew who that was. I spent that time of my life without a sense of identity. Hell, half of my life I barely understood the concept.

I don't know if I would've eventually...coalesced on my own. Honestly? I doubt it.

Do you like who you are now?

I do. I like it very much.

...maybe I shouldn't. Maybe that's why I'm an inmate here? But things finally make some sense. I finally make some sense. And I know where I fit in the world.

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