empathicfault | IC Inbox

He perches on the front edge of the chair across from Will, clutching the thermos in his lap, until he notices he has it, then holds it out in offer.

“I… didn’t really apologize to you for some of the stuff I said the other week. I don’t…” He trails off for a moment, takes a breath. “I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you,” he says in a rush of breath, like he’s afraid he’ll run out of air before he gets to the end of the sentence.

Will takes the thermos, but only to reach out for Malcolm's hand. They need contact.

"That's good to hear...but I wasn't really worried about that. You don't have to apologize. Tell me how you're feeling, though?"

He squeezes Malcolm's hand.

Will squeezing his hand eases a noticeable amount of tension out of his body. And it makes him open up honestly.

“…Guilty, I guess. Probably because I do… have a degree of resentment towards people who can offer you things that I can’t. And I don’t know how to make it go away. But I don’t think you’re going to choose them over me or something. I’m not threatened by them. Just… kind of jealous.”

"And everything in the last month brought that out for scrutiny." Will nods and considers.

"Listen, Malcolm. I love that you're possessive...I think you like that I am, too. Of course, we're going to feel jealous when it seems like someone else gets a piece of us. I know it's probably not the...healthiest approach-"

He clears his throat briefly, as he becomes more aware of their current location. "-but it works for us. I don't think we'd trust this love fully, otherwise. Maybe...I could try to make it up to you? Give you some new experiences that others will never get. That they couldn't understand. Only for us."

He does like that Will is possessive of him. The man has a point. …Maybe he’s worried about it looking like distrust because people have left various types of relationships with him in the past - not just romantic - because he couldn’t completely trust them. ………Maybe Will understands that Malcolm trusts him in ways and more completely than he’s ever trusted anyone. Maybe Will gets what that means in someone with profound and deep-seated trust issues……………

But he’s snapped out of his pondering by Will’s intriguing suggestion, which instantly captures his focus.

“Really? What… what kinds of experiences? I mean… what…… sorts of things do you have in mind?”

He doesn’t feel like Will has anything to ‘make up’ to him, but he’s so distracted by the offer that he forgets to say so.

Will smiles. He knew that would get Malcolm's attention.

"We pick a random destination. We go find someone to help, and we help them. Or-" he adds, because there are multiple options. "We park our ship just outside the Barge. Have a few days just to ourselves, and some space for me to reassure you that I'm yours and you're mine. Or-"

He tilts his head to the side, another opportunity hitting him. "-we go visit people who mean a lot to us. Go find souvenirs for those that are stuck on the ship. It just depends on how wholesome or... otherwise we're feeling." He looks off to the side, then back to Malcolm with a mischievous smile.

"We know our pasts will always come to haunt us here. But we can reassert our choices every time, after it's over "

Malcolm nods along, listening carefully, then - very thoughtfully and seriously - suggests “What id it’s ‘and’ instead of ‘or’?” He pauses very briefly as something occurs to him. “Oh! If we stop in LA for a few days, then we come back here, these won’t disappear if we get killed,” he says, pulling the collar of his sweater far enough to the side that part of Will’s still-healing handiwork is visible. Another pause with another sudden thought as he lets the collar rebound. “Unless you don’t want yours… we could get Ulla to heal it first. You don’t have to keep it; we were pretty literally out of our minds.”

Will nods along with adding things, rather than trying to decide between them. Now Malcolm is thinking about every option available to them.

Asked that's great, right up until Malcolm second guesses himself. Will shakes his head. "Are you kidding? Of course I want to keep it. We might've been...compromised but that still came from us. I need more marks from you, if anything." He smirks as he looks Malcolm up and down.

That makes Malcolm smile down at the desk, fidgeting in his seat a bit, but not in an uncomfortable way. He looks up.

"Really? ...Because I had some ideas but I didn't want to make it weird."

"Malcolm..." Will has a laugh dancing in his eyes as he smiles at his husband. "I'll happily tell you we make everything weird, and that's a feature. Who else am I going to discuss the decomposition time of a body buried at the Greenhouse? There's no actual flesh flies to get it started."

Just...as an example. "So if you have ideas, I want to hear them."

In some ways, Malcolm feels like he's internalized that Will likes him the way he is, for the way he is. But in other ways, it's taking some getting used to, the notion that he can be his weirdest, unfiltered self and he can't scare Will away. Quite the contrary, in fact. Will likes that side of him. He wants to see more of it. Malcolm has felt compelled by habit to keep it tamped down.

He smiles. "I... have to practice on paper first. I can show you a draft tonight," he suggests. "I'm not a good artist to just... free hand it into your skin without practicing."

Will knows it's the habit of decades and decades. Luckily, reminding Malcolm that they don't have to act remotely normal is a pleasure.

"I wouldn't trust myself, either- except I apparently didn't care if I messed up your skin in that moment," he says, mildly ruefully. "I'll look forward to tonight, then."

Malcolm smiles down at the desk again, opposite hand going to gently cover his marked shoulder.

“Well, these ones were sort of… primal. They’re for those emotions,” he notes. “I want the next one I do on you to be… considered. Thoughtful.” He looks up to Will’s face, opens his mouth, shuts it again, then adds “I know… you appreciate my effort at art, but… I don’t want this to be… hideous,” he admits with a bit of a wince.

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