empathicfault | IC Inbox

[It was Avalon's own question about how Will is taking it that makes Malcolm look at his role in it a different way. Finally he pauses agonizing over whether he did harm to Will by having a role in it long enough to call Will and ask.]

....Is it weird that I helped them? I didn't think of it as hurting you. I kind of thought of it as protecting you because I'd have an inside track on their state of mind, but now they graduated and I think I helped.

I'm sorry.

[ Will is practically speechless for a moment before he reparses the sentences and- yes, that is what Malcolm means.

What he ends up doing instead? Is laughing. A sudden burst of it escapes before he manages to stop it in a cough. After all, neither of them react well to being laughed at, generally. ]

Malcolm, you don't- I'm sorry, but. You did protect me. Avalon's not going to attack me again. They're not going to hurt anyone, most likely. And I've been trying to help, too, I just- I couldn't walk them through it all, and...

You have nothing to be sorry for. I promise.

[He isn't sure, when Will laughs, if it's the good kind of laugh or not and that is much more benefit of the doubt than he gives anyone that's laughing at something he says when he's trying to be serious. He relaxes a little when Will clarifies.

He didn't really think Will was mocking him, but it's good to know for sure.]

Really? It's... you're okay?

[ He takes a moment to really think about it. ]

I'm...dealing with my petty jealousies, but overall? I am okay. As much as I'd like to wish we were on a schedule and beholden to some sort of karma point system, we're really not. And I'll take the wait, if it means no one else is gonna be tortured into suicide again by them.

You had the right idea, getting them there faster. I'm glad you did.

That's a relief. I'm... they asked me if you were okay and it occurred to me that I didn't really know and I was kind of mad at myself that... it didn't even occur to me. But I don't want to ever hurt you again. I hope... I wish I was getting you there faster. So you could be alive for sure.

[ He smiles shyly and looks down. ]

You are doing a lot more than you think. You make me feel safe. It lets me...work on the rest. Without looking for a trick. I don't know how much longer I'd be here without that, but I bet it'd number in the years.

You didn't hurt me. Really. I'm glad you're doing what you do. The way you help, it helps me...figure out how I want to go about things, a lot of the time.

Avalon actually asked if I was all right?

Yeah. And... they wanted you to be, when they asked. Acknowledged that it might be understandably hard.

I'm glad you find me... helpful. And... I know you know I'm always going to stick with you.

I do know that.

And...helpful is an understatement. I think of you when I feel like I'm handling a situation badly, when I feel like my instincts are starting to run away from me. You're the example I'm trying to emulate.

…I am?

[He’s not sure he can be anyone’s example. He thinks he’s barely holding it together. …He’s an example? For the best person he knows?]

Really?

You really, really are.

You care so much, so genuinely, so abundantly. Too much, sometimes- and I'm trying to help you with protecting yourself when you need to. But when I'm...not feeling like being my better self, I borrow your love and I let it guide me.

[Malcolm smiles in unfettered delight, even if he does - out of habit - direct it towards the floor.]

You’re always, always welcome to as much of my love as your heart can hold.

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Shortly after the Avalon Announcement and his conversation with them.

Re: Shortly after the Avalon Announcement and his conversation with them.

Re: Shortly after the Avalon Announcement and his conversation with them.

Re: Shortly after the Avalon Announcement and his conversation with them.

Re: Shortly after the Avalon Announcement and his conversation with them.

Re: Shortly after the Avalon Announcement and his conversation with them.

Re: Shortly after the Avalon Announcement and his conversation with them.

Re: Shortly after the Avalon Announcement and his conversation with them.

Re: Shortly after the Avalon Announcement and his conversation with them.

Re: Shortly after the Avalon Announcement and his conversation with them.

Re: Shortly after the Avalon Announcement and his conversation with them.