empathicfault | IC Inbox

[It was a good distraction, for a moment. The idea that their friends can call them.

But Will is right. On all counts.]

It’s the most worthwhile project anyone has come up with here.

[He leans into Will again, presses his face into the warmth at the crook of his neck. Into the scent of his skin.]

I tried to help people but I’m not good with them like Neal is.

Neither am I. I don't think we're meant to be people who help with...systematic problems. I tried back home and failed miserably. What we are good at is helping strays. The people who get missed by any and every system. Those that fall through the cracks of human sympathy, for whatever reason.

And maybe it's that which makes me admire Neal's intention to fix a long-running problem here. An issue that causes harm to the self-worth of inmates left and right. I don't even know if he realizes just how difficult a task it was, that he set out for himself.

It’s easy to fall into believing that people here are better than people in other places… than… than they are. Until it crashes down right on you. I did.

[ Will hums, leaning his head against Malcolm's as he thinks about that. ]

I think...maybe there's a higher percentage of better people here than there are where the both of us are from. But not even the wardens are all going to be winners. And most people aren't going to understand us, even if they are less awful.

[Malcolm’s expression crumples a little. Because that’s right and now most of the people who do understand him and accept him have left or are leaving.]

Yeah. I have to… I mean… …I try too hard. To connect to people. To people who are never going to understand. Like Dani. Like Shaw. I bash my head against a wall and wonder why it hurts. I have to stop doing that.

[ Will squeezes him a little tighter. ]

Maybe you don't have to stop. Maybe you can just...back off when it's not working. Extend a hand, but retract it if you get snapped at.

You will find others you connect to, here. I don't know if it'll be a lot, but- this is hardly the end of finding people who care about you, Malcolm. When you do, they'll always be precious, and them leaving is always going to hurt. But it's a sign of the importance you place on them.

At home, I was always going to be alone when it came down to it. That day… the Bad Day… when Francis came to see me, he said I got so worked up because I’m afraid people will leave and of ending up alone, but I don’t think he understood how much that was… reality before.

And then he left.

Yeah.

[ Will closes his eyes and doesn't hide a sniffle, instead just leaning a chin on Malcolm's head. Trying to cover as much of Malcolm's pain as possible. ]

But...not the way other people left. He wants you to visit. He still holds you in his heart. This is why I want to have our traveling home. Because we're not really destined to be...adopted by anyone, not truly- I'm still amazed I've connected with you and Hark so close.

But we still have people we'll care for. I doubt we'll find a world to stay in forever. We have to make our own way...but I'll be with you for that. All of it.

That matters so much to me. I don’t think most of the people that day… could understand why I was such a mess and they… didn’t really want to. I think they were well-meaning but also all they wanted was for me to just… stop it. But I can’t… I can’t lose you. I cannot. I just can’t. Not even a whisper of it, not even a joke about it.

You won't. You won't, and I know that's hard to believe. It's just going to be time and experience that'll sink that in.

[ He leans back a bit, but only so he can give Malcolm a soft kiss. Hopefully his determination and love will come through it. ]

Unfortunately, this place isn't particularly great for that. No one who's here lives here for long, except for a couple of people. And we may well be that couple of people in a few years. But it means we'll have to get used to saying goodbye. [ He tilts his head to the side. ] Maybe it'll be more like 'see you later,' once we can both take vacations.

[Malcolm smiles, a small tentative smile, but a smile nonetheless.]

They've all said we can visit. I asked.

[He looks up at Will.]

I won't leave without you, either. No matter what. I don't care if that means staying here forever. I won't go without you.

[ It's at this point that Will realizes he has tears welling up in his eyes. He smiles, even if he looks away from Malcolm's eyes in slight embarrassment. ]

Okay. Thank you. I don't...I know you wouldn't. And if you ever were pulled away, I'd graduate out of spite and come find you.

[Malcolm nods and cuddles up against him, eyes closing as he rests his cheek on Will's shoulder.]

Can you stay here with me tonight?

Already planning on it. And I'm happy to read or watch movies- anything, if you can't sleep. I'll be here.

[Malcolm slides his arms around him.]

You make me happy. I want you to know. So happy.

Same here, and I'm so glad I do. You deserve all the happiness I can give you.

[ He hums thoughtfully. Performatively. ] ...probably more.

[He breathes out a laugh towards Will's chest, then shifts to look up at his face, reaching up with the fingertips of one hand to gently touch his cheek.]

We'll be okay. [It's not a question. That's a Big Deal.]

We will.

[ He sounds exceptionally certain about that, as he smiles down at Malcolm. And it is a Big Deal, but Will has believed it for some time now. ]

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