empathicfault | IC Inbox

[ He's quiet for a long moment, then there's the sound of shuffling and he groans. ]

So it got to you, huh? This is- it's all my fault. Really. It was the second day I was on the Barge, to be fair. I was suspicious. I was hoping for sedatives, so I had a means of defending myself if necessary- I know, I wasn't yet aware that weapons were not hard to find on board. Malcolm found me outside the counseling office and we had...basically an immediate session. I found out then how much we had in common.

We connected, but I was trying to keep people off my back about...trying to be better, so I kept up the ruse that it was therapy while we were really just meeting and talking. We did do some therapy, but it was more...friendship and support, back and forth. We both know about the same about it.

After Shaw got permanently paired with me, she read my file and told me to go see both you and Sheehan. I've done the same with both of you, setting things as mild, friendly talks as much as possible and calling it therapy to Shaw. I'm...sorry about that. I have found it helpful to talk things out with you. But I do have obvious reasons for distrusting this sort of 'help,' you know?

[ Sigh. ] ...I would've liked to fix this with Sheehan and Jesus, take the proper blame for it. I care far less if they don't trust me than Malcolm does. But they're both just going to see it as Malcolm gaslighting me over it.

[ Kiryu has had plenty of people give him very very stupid stories over the years but this one is definitely in at least the top five. Especially given the effect it's had on Malcolm. His tone, for the moment, is matter-of-fact. ]

I don't give a shit how you handle our time, Graham-san. Talking and fighting is what I offer. I'm not a doctor. And if you don't want to, you don't want to.

[ Kiryu's not really about forcing people to do things unless they are being a heinous asshole. At the same time...

His voice goes a little harder. ]

It's not about the blame, Graham-san. Bright-sensei never saw his time with you as sessions. So when you told other people they were sessions, you made him look like he'd used his position to get a boyfriend. And because Bright-sensei didn't know that, he's been telling people you never were client and patient and it looks like he's a liar who's trying to cover his shitty choices.

And every time they hear him 'lie', he loses the trust of those people, trust that matters to him both as a warden and as a counselor while he starts to believe that no one will believe him and he doesn't know why. He has to believe it's someone like Sheehan-sensei because he'd never believe the person he loves the most would fuck him over for their own convenience.

[ Yeah, that's a very disappointed grunt. ]

I'll tell you straight, Graham-san: your 'concern' about them not believing you sounds a fuck of a lot more like you don't want to deal with fixing the mess you made for someone who cares about you than a real problem. But Sheehan-sensei and Jesus-san both trust me, so I'm willing to go to bat for both of you to at least get this settled for Bright-sensei's peace of mind.

And you owe it to Bright-sensei to fix this.

[ Ouch. Will rubs his neck as Kiryu gives him a dressing-down- one he knows he deserves, at least on some level. 'fuck him over for their own convenience' hits harder than he expects, though, and he has to purse his lips to keep from yelling at himself.

He puts his communicator down to rub at his face, and there's the sound of it clattering onto a table as he does so. ]

I do. If you think they'll listen to you...I can explain the situation to them, with you there. Or...however you think is best. I don't know if it'll matter to either of them. They'll probably think Malcolm shouldn't have allowed it to happen, regardless, considering his position. But I can certainly warn them about me, at least.

[ After a short pause: ] I'll try to be clearer with Malcolm about my role, as well. He...focuses on other things. I let him and I shouldn't have.

[ There's a somewhat-mollified grunt now, and a deep sigh. Good, the words got through. ~~He's not mad, he's disappointed.~~ ~~Okay, he's a little mad.~~ ~~...he's working through it.~~

~~The Enclosure is going to get punched a lot later.~~ ]

They might still have issues with it. Some wardens do.

[ He's not going to pretend differently. ]

But at least they'll know what decisions Bright-sensei made. And that he wasn't trying to lie or change the past.

[ Will lets out a shaky breath. ]

I can get that across, at least. I think.

I don't want to- I...damn it. I didn't think people would care.

[ He frowns a little but he nods to that. ]

When you've spent enough time fucked over by the system, it's hard to accept that it might be trying to protect anyone anywhere, even as weird as here.

Plenty of wardens have been fucked the same way. So they care.

I've had a lot of people claiming to protect me that fail me. Anyone who's been in charge of my mental well-being, in fact. Thirty-plus years worth of therapists. Every one I saw was worse than the last.

-until here....although I suppose that remains to be seen. It'd be difficult to find worse than the last two. So yeah, it's hard to accept. I've been here almost a year and I still expect to have the rug pulled out from under me.

But Malcolm's...I don't want him to pay for my paranoia. Or misanthropy, or whatever it is.

I'm an orphan who grew up in the system. You don't have to tell me. Not much for trusting people that way. And I've done some pretty extreme things because of it.

[ He tilts his head to one side. ]

I'm not saying accept everything. There's a balance to it.

[ Finding that balance had been a big part of all three of his inmate's graduations. ]

Hurting people you care about is when you need to re-evaluate your choices. That's all I'm saying. As someone who's done it and regretted it.

Edited 2023-12-17 16:06 (UTC)

[ He hums in a small agreement, thoughtful. ]

Guess we don't just stop that because we're in a new setting.

...were you ever an inmate here, Kiryu-san?

[ He shakes his head. But he will add- ]

Spent 13 years or so in a normal prison.

[ And Japanese prison doesn't kid around. ]

Damn. I had about a year at a max security mental hospital. It was like they were trying to fit as many traumatizing things into my short stay as they could. I can't imagine thirteen of those.

...but that does explain why I had a tough time telling if you'd...been through the system here or not. Usually my hunches are right. I guess you did most of your learning before you hit this place.

One kind of learning.

[ He firmly believes every one of his inmates has helped him as much as he's helped them. ]

I've been here long enough even this old dog has learned a few new tricks.

[ He'd be chuckling if things weren't so seriously messed up- or if he weren't the cause of the problem. ]

Sounds like you take every opportunity you get to learn something...I hope to get there, myself. Eventually.

[ He takes a deep breath in and lets it out. ]

All right, I've got...some people to talk to. Apologies to make. Malcolm first, I think.

[ He nods. It's very very obvious, even over video, that whatever frustration he had before was temporary. He likes Graham-san, respects him. If there's one thing he's learned over the years, it's that friends call out friends.

He's seen what happens when you don't. ]

Let's talk afterwards. It's been a while since we did. And I'd like the chance to help you get the fuck out of here.

[ He tips his head to one side. ]

Maybe we do some fishing?

[ Will gives Kiryu a wry smile. It doesn't feel like things aren't fixable, with the way Kiryu puts them. That's unusual, but Will is going to take it. ]

Fishing sounds great. Maybe I can make up Wolf Trap Creek in the Enclosure for you, show you my favorite place for it.

Sounds good. I've never been anywhere with that name, I don't think.

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