empathicfault | IC Inbox

I don't know; my intel's all skewed and screwed up now.

Did you have hallucinations for the entire time?

I did. They changed over time, though.

I thought Malcolm was Hannibal one morning. That was...awful.

He okay?

For once? I have no idea. He's trying to be supportive. And I know it's easier for him to worry about other people than himself.

But that had to have hurt.

Yeah. He could take it as confirmation that he's, like, born evil or something.

...that actually wasn't one of the things I had been concerned about. But there are all sorts of upsetting implications, true.

Oh. Yeah, I dunno; it's just the first thing that came to mind.

How is it having him gone from your head again?

Quiet. Less pretentious.

Good quiet, bad quiet?

[ He's about to answer 'good,' but stops himself from trying to push it off. ]

More good than bad, I think. But...both. I'm glad I'm not hallucinating, glad I'm not scaring Malcolm. Glad I'm not feeling comfortable in that space Hannibal tends to create around him.

...but I miss it, too. And him.

[ He huffs out an audible sigh. ]

It was good to hear his voice again.

I'm glad you're not feeling comfortable there, too.

So I'm talking to Rawne about Avalon. He's, uh-- sounding pretty suggestible about what he's gonna do with them, long-term. You know me; my head tends to go to prevention of future stuff over punishment of past stuff. So I was wondering if you wanted to help brainstorm some constructive punishment ideas with us. Help me fill in the gaps there.

[ It's a swing in topic, but not an unwelcome one. As much as Will likes to talk about Hannibal, he's had his fill this past week. ]

...oh. Sure. I'm glad he's amenable.

I'm not sure what would even work as a punishment, though. I'd say something like have them feel whatever pain they're trying to inflict, but they don't seem to care about their body. And forcing them to feel the despair they're attempting to inflict on others seems...like it might be less than constructive.

You know, I tried to talk to Avalon about why they picked what they did as their purpose-- it honestly seemed like it was the first thing they did when they connected with someone, and they never did anything else. I'm not sure what could be done to try and...kickstart them connecting to people in another way, but that's probably what's going to be useful.

There's always brute force trial and error, annoying as it would be to be a guinea pig for that. I'd suggest saving people instead of hurting them, but that's... not always personal.

I did ask them why they didn't try to help people instead and I never really did get an answer from them about it. I don't know, I'm just trying to come up with incentives for Avalon to help out, and...there's not much.

Maybe they could try a work program, like Kikimora's doing? I worry that'd give them more targets, but- maybe not. They've been here for months and stayed focused on me.

We could talk to Rawne about getting them signed up with people who know what they're getting into. Hell, a warden could directly engage with and harness their obsession.

Yeah...hmmm. Maybe some of the longer-lived beings here- the gods and god-like- maybe they could understand them a little better.

And if they could explain some of it to me, I'd appreciate knowing that, too.

Then let's have a sit-down with them, you and me.

Okay. That sounds doable.

Okay. Then that'll be step one.

A couple people have said this wasn't my fault, which it obviously wasn't, but that's not the point. As far as I'm concerned, fault doesn't even enter into it. It's still my responsibility to keep my shit together enough to do my job, and I failed spectacularly at that. You deserve better. I want to give you better than a crazy warden who sits down in Zero when the going gets tough.

I don't know how you're supposed to do your job, when the person who gave you the job is actively keeping you from knowing what's even real. There were plenty of other wardens who were seeing things, actively a danger, or too sick to get involved.

I do appreciate the sentiment. And I'm glad to have someone working with me, who's so committed to their task. But I'm not sure what you should've done better when your mind was changed for you, here.

Other people pushed through it. Other people realized there was something funky going on instead of spiraling.

I'm gonna do better; that's what I want to make clear.

Everyone had something different going on. Some people weren't as affected.

But...okay. [ 'Doing better' is never a bad goal, as far as he's concerned. ] Thank you.

Is there anything I can do to help you reorient yourself, now?

[She shrugs noncommittally, not wanting to lie but not wanting to give a flat no, either.]

Help a little, sure; make it go away completely, no. Focusing on something works. Coming up with a plan for Avalon is a good idea for me too, I guess.

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