empathicfault | IC Inbox

I know it, whether you say it or not. I love you, too.

Did you manage to sleep at all?

Not really. I don’t understand what’s happening. Are you in trouble? You weren’t the aggressor. Johann cut Hilbert’s throat earlier in the week for torturing him and because Hilbert was the aggressor, they just let Johann go. And he has a history of murdering people on board just for fun. But this wasn’t that, so he’s not in trouble. Why are you in trouble?

If I were there, I'd do some breathing exercises with you.

I'm not in trouble. At least, I'm not in what I would consider to be trouble. Shaw is keeping a close eye on me because I was suddenly and wildly violent. I WAS the aggressor, Malcolm. Avalon didn't have a weapon and wasn't physically threatening me.

Verbal is different. Verbal threatening allows for time to let the people in charge do things. And as much as I pretend sometimes, that's not me.

[ That part's more for Shaw than Malcolm, admittedly. But it probably doesn't hurt Malcolm to hear it every so often. ]

Shaw is watching me to make sure I don't have a relapse, I imagine, but also to make sure Avalon doesn't have a chance to attack me. She's protecting me, too. She's not even restricting me, she's just going with me where I go.

And it's not forever. So calm down, okay? If you can. I do know that's tough for you.
But it'll be all right.

How long is she going to follow you everywhere?

I don't know. Until we get some things settled about the attack, I'm guessing.

We have to do this right if we're going to ask other people to do it right. Don't you think?

Yes. I’m just not sure this is right. You feel like it might be because of what you’ve done in the past. But Avalon tortured you. Continuing to lurk around is menacing. I’m not personally worried that it’s going to set you on a killing spree.

But it’s not my business. I’m not your Warden.

Do you think this is the right thing? Do you think you’re a danger to people here?

I think I could be. Especially because I've worked hard to get my emotions under control and they very much were not yesterday. I was frustrated, sure, but I can use my words. I'm very good at using my words.

So I don't know if this is exactly right, but I'd rather overdo it here. Especially since 'overdoing it' apparently means I don't have to sit in Zero for the week, and would never have meant the cages and restraints I've seen before.

I would rather be spending time with you, of course. But it's nice to have more than one person care. Even Reid cared.

People care because you’re a good person. You’re not a monster.

You’re a better person than I am. A lot of people think very highly of you.

[ It takes a bit for him to respond, because he's mostly just blinking at the screen. ]

Malcolm.

I'm not sure how you can possibly think that. The only potential way is if you're taking the blame for your dad's crimes, and in that case I also get Lecter's.

You can argue I'm a good person, that I'm not a monster, but there's no way to think I'm a BETTER person than you. We both have darkness, and we both have light. To try and compare beyond that is a futile effort.

People see something in you that makes them like you and they see something in me that makes them dislike me. That has to be... some intangible... something.

[Or he's tired and lonely and sad. It could be that.]

There is. It's the part of Hannibal that I absorbed, willing and not. Combine that with the general populace being glad someone REALLY gets them, and it's a toxic but attractive combo.

Unfortunately, almost no one wants someone to actually understand them as much as I do. The appreciation withers and dies. The respect crumbles. The accusations begin. I've had less of them since I started letting myself be actively manipulative, ironically. I've been trying not to do that here, but I don't know what stuck to me in my last days back home.

Anyway, that's the intangible something. It's not as useful as you might think. I'm sorry you're lonely right now, though. Just remember that it's not forever.

Let me know if she ever mentions HOW LONG. I don't think it's fair to put you on indefinite lockdown. Even people here who gleefully kill other people for fun know how long their sentence is when they go to Zero or get tucked into their Warden's guest room. Until Shaw Gets Tired Of Hovering could be NEVER.

She's going to want to get back to Root, you know. Especially since they got married last week. So I don't expect it'll be too long. Just try to think of it as me needing some more Barge detox time than usual. It's probably true.

And in the meantime, we'll still have some time together. I'm looking forward to the movie later.

You know, on a normal day I probably wouldn't see you until later anyway, but today 'later' feels like a million years away.

I got you a helmet to make Barge detox faster. If you put it on her, can you escape?

That's a joke, if she's reading over your shoulder, which I don't put past her.

I know. It feels different today. I was honestly expecting it to feel more different than it does, though. Like I'd wrecked the whole place, or my place in it.

I was actually going to try the helmet out later today, and she's going to give it a try sometime. Doubt she'd want to right now, but I'll offer. It has been helping me a lot, honestly.

[That actually noticeably (even in text) brings him up from his funk a little.]

It has? I'm so glad! Well. Your present is helping me too. By reminding me about you when you're not here.

I'm going to get some popcorn for tonight. What kind of soda do you like?

[ Yeah, it's pretty noticeable. And it makes Will smile. ]

Good. That was partly why I wanted you to have that ring. And yes, the helmet's been so helpful. Now I can just reset myself a little each day and not have to wait for a Breach to do it.

Popcorn sounds great. I'll take cola, or anything lemon-lime flavored. I like both.

Okay. I’ll see what they have in the commissary.

Did Shaw say anything about me after I left? Because when I walked out of your cabin last night, Iris was waiting for me. She said she smelled the blood but I think we can agree that Shaw messaged her, right? To deal with me.

No, I don't think so. We both pretty much passed out afterwards. She fell asleep before I did, but the melatonin did its work last night for me.

Iris is far more used to her nose than we are. I bet she smelled my blood- she's been around it before. My guess? She was coming to check on me and saw you on the way out, looking distraught.

[ Honestly? He's glad to hear it. He hopes she gave Malcolm some comfort. ]

So we’re believing that story?

[He did not believe it last night. She was comforting, but he never settled completely into it. But he trusts Will.]

She was kind. She walked me back to my cabin.

I'm believing that story, at least.

I used to be wary of her kindness, too. But everything I've seen and felt tells me it's genuine. She's like a golden retriever in humanoid form. She's also an alien that's been around for a very long time and has a lot more capacity than most people, from what I could tell.

[Learning Will also initially mistrusted it makes him feel less douchey. And he still trusts Will.]

I’ll try to… remember that. And also talk to her more.

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