empathicfault | IC Inbox

People like me break. And we'll never be the same again.

...how do you know what he's like, but you didn't know his position at the BAU?

[ Will can guess, but he's not sure how entrenched whatever memory she has of Jack is going to be. ]

I don't know, I--

[Remember.]

Did you tell me?

This is the first time we've actually talked about him. I think.

Do you remember anything else about him? You know what he looks like?

Doughy black guy, looks like a paper-pusher.

[She pauses as the realization of what this means sinks in.]

Oh, crap.

Yeah. Sounds like you got my emotions leaking in, too.

[ But now that they have this, they can look into it. Maybe they can figure out how the flood works, without having to ask other people. ]

Where do you remember seeing him? Anywhere in particular? What was he talking about?

I don't feel them now, I'm just... remembering how they felt.

[And feeling both annoyed and offended on his behalf.]

I think I am, anyway. It's kind of hard to-- quantify something I've never experienced like this before.

[But, okay. Facts she can focus on.]

You're in a really crappy-looking barn. There's a mutilated corpse hanging from the rafters.

[ Will hums in acknowledgement as Shaw explains the emotions situation. That has to be pretty confusing, but at least there's less of a possibility that emotions she doesn't feel are being forced on her. He's just not sure if it being just the memory of them is all that significant a difference. ]

Uh...hmm. Sorry, you might have to be more specific. Dealt with a lot of mutilated corpses.

A lot of mutilated corpses strung up from the rafters of a barn?

[She can't really judge. She's not really judging. But it sure does speak to the kind of life he lives, and the things that he's subjected to.]

Okay, uh-- the guy did it to himself, somehow. Flayed his back open, strung himself up, turning himself into an angel. Trying to absolve himself of his sins. And I knew what we'd find there when we pulled up.

[She pauses just a little too long here.]

You did, I mean.

[ Will just shrugs at the question. He doesn't remember any barn corpses, but he's still not entirely sure what's happening. He knows he's missing one memory. But beyond that- yes, his life has been full of mutilated corpses.

As Shaw talks, it clears the case up entirely. He doesn't even notice the fact that she's having trouble with her perspective. ]

...Elliot Buddish. The guy with the brain tumor. Right? And Jack was with me.

[ He's not sure, but he knows the case details. ]

You told him you needed to quit, and he guilted you and condescended to you about it.

[a.k.a. yes, Jack was with him.]

I had been doing poorly, especially with this case. Getting into those heads was causing me problems. And I could just see it continuing on forever.

[ He's silent for a moment, feeling something swirling around as he tries to remember it. There wasn't shouting, but Jack lectured him, didn't he? It's fuzzy. ]

What did he say? He brought up...how successful we'd been. That I'd caught three so far. But we hadn't caught Buddish, he'd ended his own life.

Edited 2023-04-23 02:06 (UTC)

He told you that you could quit if you wanted to. But he didn't mean it, and you knew it.

[ You wanna quit? Quit. Will can hear it clearly in his mind. The rest starts to leak back in, then. He closes his eyes and gently encourages it to play out. ]

...yeah. He was always like that. Telling me I had a choice, but- not actually giving me a choice. I actually told him it was bad for me, there, huh?

If I had stopped there...no. I would've had to move to the west coast or something. Hannibal already had me running wounded.

Which Mister Behavioral Analysis should have figured out.

You'd think, huh? I doubt he would've called the unit that, if he had the option.

Well, I've got the memory back now, so I guess we've figured out how this flood works.

You sure? I still remember it.

[Though, now that she thinks of it--]

No, wait.

[She says that, and then she pauses again, trying to tease out exactly what's making her hesitate here. There are multiple things, none of them so immediately obvious as to be recognizable right away.]

I remember it, but I don't remember it as you. Your feelings, the way they work - I don't have them anymore. Not for this.

[Not for this. But, she thinks, maybe for other things.]

[ It's interesting, and he wants to ask her how she feels about it, now that she can look from the outside. But something she says makes him pause. ]

...not for this?

"I think I might have a lot of you," she admits, her brow creasing. "So, uh, sorry about that."

Will scoffs a bit at that. "Nothing to apologize for. It's the way this place is. You...recognize how I feel, now that you have an example? Is that making it easier to identify?"

Edited 2023-04-23 20:51 (UTC)

Easier to identify as belonging to you, sure. Easier to separate out from everything else? Not really. I've worked for the government; I've met assholes like Crawford. It all blends.

Memory is a fragile thing.

Yeah...it is. This is going to be a real pain in the ass. And we have a week to do this? Probably about that long? Or maybe it'll all just return at the end, not that we can count on that.

[ Ugh. He sighs. ]

Still think he's an asshole, though? Even without my personal feelings getting in the way?

No, that opinion was all me. You weren't angry at him, you were... discouraged. Resigned.

[And she's trying not to sound too distracted, because of course he's right: they have absolutely no guarantee that things are going to sort themselves out when the flood ends. This could so easily be a one-shot chance kind of thing.]

Yeah, you're right. I am mad now, though.

He only got worse. Wriggled me around to try and catch Francis Dolarhyde later on, after I'd been out for three goddamned years.

[ He can feel himself getting animated and stops from expounding on that. They don't need to focus on this anymore- he's got the memory. Better to work on what they need to. ]

Okay, so- you have anything else jumping out at you that's mine? I'm trying to tell if maybe the opposite's true.

I've killed a lot of people.

[She says it matter-of-factly; there's no reason to hide it. Hell, the Barge being what it is, trying to hide it would probably backfire spectacularly if the truth ever came out.]

But, uh-- I was always an efficient killer. I found satisfaction in it, but that was because of the goal, not because of the process. But you-- you've killed people too, haven't you? And you... made statements out of the bodies.

[Or maybe just one body, one time. It's not as if she can tell for sure.]

[ Will is quiet for a long moment. It can't be Randall that Shaw's thinking about, right? Will remembers that one. He must've done it some other time. That seems like something he'd notice as missing. ]

That's...really more of Hannibal's thing. The art pieces.

What did I do?

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STILL NETWORK, STILL AUDIO, ignore my fuckup in the last tag too

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