Will Graham (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
empathicfault) wrote2023-06-18 11:04 am
empathicfault) wrote2023-06-18 11:04 am
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[Open for text/audio/action/whatever.]
[Open for text/audio/action/whatever.]
It’s easy to fall into believing that people here are better than people in other places… than… than they are. Until it crashes down right on you. I did.
[ He'll meet her eyes, out of surprise more than probably anything else. He sees something in there that satisfies him, as he nods and his lips twitch up slightly into a barely-there smile. ]
Sure. I might've gotten a couple of clues since then, too. I can tell you about them while you eat?
[ He shakes the bag in display. He did want to make sure she ate, after all. ]
Sure. I might've gotten a couple of clues since then, too. I can tell you about them while you eat?
[ He shakes the bag in display. He did want to make sure she ate, after all. ]
[Don't mind if she does. Reaching into the bag, she pulls out the first sandwich that her hand touches, cradling it protectively against her body when Jet sniffs hopefully in her direction.]
Uh-uh. Mine.
[Pulling herself to her feet, she steps back into the cabin, leaving space for Will to follow before she shuts the door behind them. She has a bed made up on the couch, which is where she heads - shoving aside a blanket and a pillow that's stuffed into a t-shirt so that she can sit and sink her teeth into the sandwich, closing her eyes and letting out a small appreciative moan.
(The shirt, as he might be able to sense, is Root's shirt. Having it close at hand doesn't make her worry less, but it's nice to sleep on; it's soft, and it smells good, and it's just as it should be, unlike the comatose body up in the loft that's too much like an inanimate object for Shaw's comfort.) ]
Uh-uh. Mine.
[Pulling herself to her feet, she steps back into the cabin, leaving space for Will to follow before she shuts the door behind them. She has a bed made up on the couch, which is where she heads - shoving aside a blanket and a pillow that's stuffed into a t-shirt so that she can sit and sink her teeth into the sandwich, closing her eyes and letting out a small appreciative moan.
(The shirt, as he might be able to sense, is Root's shirt. Having it close at hand doesn't make her worry less, but it's nice to sleep on; it's soft, and it smells good, and it's just as it should be, unlike the comatose body up in the loft that's too much like an inanimate object for Shaw's comfort.) ]
Edited 2024-02-11 04:12 (UTC)
[ Will can definitely smell Root on the shirt as he comes near he couch- she's someone who he's gotten used to the smell of, as weird as that sounds. It makes him smile a bit, as that's something he'd do with some of Malcolm's clothes on the nights they're not together. He'd thought it was just a wolf thing.
He doesn't disturb the little nest, instead sitting on the floor in hopes of dogs to pet. He lets Shaw take a few bites before he starts in. ]
I- well, I had a dream, after that talk with you. You...your body was set up on display. Some sort of magic held it together as it separated neatly into sixteen vertical slices. The pieces pulled apart neatly as I tried to run towards you, but some invisible forcefield kept me from getting closer.
[ He rubs at his face, sighing. It doesn't take a psychology degree to see where all that came from. Of course, he doesn't know if Shaw remembers Beverly Katz's death and display. There has been so many horrors in his life. ]
We were in a river, but it was my river in Wolf Trap- where I like to fish. Where I...go, sometimes, when I'm stressed out. And I watched as pieces of you kept sliding down into it. Disappearing under the surface.
He doesn't disturb the little nest, instead sitting on the floor in hopes of dogs to pet. He lets Shaw take a few bites before he starts in. ]
I- well, I had a dream, after that talk with you. You...your body was set up on display. Some sort of magic held it together as it separated neatly into sixteen vertical slices. The pieces pulled apart neatly as I tried to run towards you, but some invisible forcefield kept me from getting closer.
[ He rubs at his face, sighing. It doesn't take a psychology degree to see where all that came from. Of course, he doesn't know if Shaw remembers Beverly Katz's death and display. There has been so many horrors in his life. ]
We were in a river, but it was my river in Wolf Trap- where I like to fish. Where I...go, sometimes, when I'm stressed out. And I watched as pieces of you kept sliding down into it. Disappearing under the surface.
[It takes her a moment, but Shaw makes a point of rereading his file regularly. She chews, swallows, and then says:]
Beverly was the only one at the FBI who acted like she gave even a little bit of a crap about you. And she died because she went off to investigate Hannibal by herself.
[She stops here, wanting to make sure she's picking up the right train of thought before continuing.]
Beverly was the only one at the FBI who acted like she gave even a little bit of a crap about you. And she died because she went off to investigate Hannibal by herself.
[She stops here, wanting to make sure she's picking up the right train of thought before continuing.]
[ Right in one. Will sighs a bit, more tired than anything. ]
Yeah. She did. I told her to be careful, to not go alone, but- I still didn't stop her. Maybe I couldn't have.
She died, and the tiny glimmer of hope I still had died with her. And I think this just- it felt like the same thing was happening...even though I know it's not, not really comparable.
Yeah. She did. I told her to be careful, to not go alone, but- I still didn't stop her. Maybe I couldn't have.
She died, and the tiny glimmer of hope I still had died with her. And I think this just- it felt like the same thing was happening...even though I know it's not, not really comparable.
[Shaw nods slowly, sighs - and, uncharacteristically, sets aside her half-eaten sandwich.]
I didn't want to do it all alone, you know. I wanted back-up. You and I were a good team, when you were down on the planet, and then after - I thought once I said I was alive and fine people would actually want to work with me instead of against me. Stupid mistake, I guess. I know how this place is.
But I'm frustrated with them, not with you. I'm not mad that you were worried.
I didn't want to do it all alone, you know. I wanted back-up. You and I were a good team, when you were down on the planet, and then after - I thought once I said I was alive and fine people would actually want to work with me instead of against me. Stupid mistake, I guess. I know how this place is.
But I'm frustrated with them, not with you. I'm not mad that you were worried.
[ Will frowns briefly as she puts the sandwich down. But she does need to talk. Will licks his lips and stares down at Bear's paws as she continued, and even after she's finished. He takes his time forming his thoughts into words. ]
I think...I've gotten used to...not expecting to die every other week.
[ He gives her a weak, worn-out, and mirthless smile. ]
This place is insane, but that- that is one thing I don't have to worry about in general. People leave, they usually get their deals or their lives and leave, but they don't die very often. Even if an inmate disappears, there's the possibility that they'll come back. Have another try.
And when I was used to the constant danger, it was... When you expect to die every moment, that's almost its own form of immortality. Only the next step matters, only the situation you're in right then.
Trying to switch between the two...maybe that's where I tripped up. I felt fear and then- when I realized I could jump in the river to get you, but I wasn't going to- guilt.
I think...I've gotten used to...not expecting to die every other week.
[ He gives her a weak, worn-out, and mirthless smile. ]
This place is insane, but that- that is one thing I don't have to worry about in general. People leave, they usually get their deals or their lives and leave, but they don't die very often. Even if an inmate disappears, there's the possibility that they'll come back. Have another try.
And when I was used to the constant danger, it was... When you expect to die every moment, that's almost its own form of immortality. Only the next step matters, only the situation you're in right then.
Trying to switch between the two...maybe that's where I tripped up. I felt fear and then- when I realized I could jump in the river to get you, but I wasn't going to- guilt.
[ Will hums, leaning his head against Malcolm's as he thinks about that. ]
I think...maybe there's a higher percentage of better people here than there are where the both of us are from. But not even the wardens are all going to be winners. And most people aren't going to understand us, even if they are less awful.
I think...maybe there's a higher percentage of better people here than there are where the both of us are from. But not even the wardens are all going to be winners. And most people aren't going to understand us, even if they are less awful.
[Malcolm’s expression crumples a little. Because that’s right and now most of the people who do understand him and accept him have left or are leaving.]
Yeah. I have to… I mean… …I try too hard. To connect to people. To people who are never going to understand. Like Dani. Like Shaw. I bash my head against a wall and wonder why it hurts. I have to stop doing that.
Yeah. I have to… I mean… …I try too hard. To connect to people. To people who are never going to understand. Like Dani. Like Shaw. I bash my head against a wall and wonder why it hurts. I have to stop doing that.
[ Will squeezes him a little tighter. ]
Maybe you don't have to stop. Maybe you can just...back off when it's not working. Extend a hand, but retract it if you get snapped at.
You will find others you connect to, here. I don't know if it'll be a lot, but- this is hardly the end of finding people who care about you, Malcolm. When you do, they'll always be precious, and them leaving is always going to hurt. But it's a sign of the importance you place on them.
Maybe you don't have to stop. Maybe you can just...back off when it's not working. Extend a hand, but retract it if you get snapped at.
You will find others you connect to, here. I don't know if it'll be a lot, but- this is hardly the end of finding people who care about you, Malcolm. When you do, they'll always be precious, and them leaving is always going to hurt. But it's a sign of the importance you place on them.
[Clocking her sandwich to make sure it's not in easy grabbing range for the dogs (they could go for it, but they'd have to put in more effort than just lifting their heads, and that's good enough), Shaw slides onto the floor, too: still a couple feet away from him, but on the same level now.]
I didn't expect you to, and I don't blame you for not doing it. You get that, right?
I didn't expect you to, and I don't blame you for not doing it. You get that, right?
At home, I was always going to be alone when it came down to it. That day… the Bad Day… when Francis came to see me, he said I got so worked up because I’m afraid people will leave and of ending up alone, but I don’t think he understood how much that was… reality before.
And then he left.
And then he left.
[ Will starts shaking his head before she's even reaches her question. ]
Yeah- yeah. I get that. I know you didn't have expectations. I guess...I don't know why you didn't. If you were in there, navigating and fighting your ass off for a couple of weeks and getting people back, why shouldn't I be?
[ He shrugs, more of an excuse to hike his shoulders up than anything else. ]
That first week, we were helping with the travel to the city. That was important. But after, when you were still out there-
[ He frowns, chews on his lip, then shakes his head. ]
I guess it hit that the Admiral could just as easily have left you stranded there, in that world. That I could've done more so it wouldn't have been a possibility.
Yeah- yeah. I get that. I know you didn't have expectations. I guess...I don't know why you didn't. If you were in there, navigating and fighting your ass off for a couple of weeks and getting people back, why shouldn't I be?
[ He shrugs, more of an excuse to hike his shoulders up than anything else. ]
That first week, we were helping with the travel to the city. That was important. But after, when you were still out there-
[ He frowns, chews on his lip, then shakes his head. ]
I guess it hit that the Admiral could just as easily have left you stranded there, in that world. That I could've done more so it wouldn't have been a possibility.
Yeah.
[ Will closes his eyes and doesn't hide a sniffle, instead just leaning a chin on Malcolm's head. Trying to cover as much of Malcolm's pain as possible. ]
But...not the way other people left. He wants you to visit. He still holds you in his heart. This is why I want to have our traveling home. Because we're not really destined to be...adopted by anyone, not truly- I'm still amazed I've connected with you and Hark so close.
But we still have people we'll care for. I doubt we'll find a world to stay in forever. We have to make our own way...but I'll be with you for that. All of it.
[ Will closes his eyes and doesn't hide a sniffle, instead just leaning a chin on Malcolm's head. Trying to cover as much of Malcolm's pain as possible. ]
But...not the way other people left. He wants you to visit. He still holds you in his heart. This is why I want to have our traveling home. Because we're not really destined to be...adopted by anyone, not truly- I'm still amazed I've connected with you and Hark so close.
But we still have people we'll care for. I doubt we'll find a world to stay in forever. We have to make our own way...but I'll be with you for that. All of it.
That matters so much to me. I don’t think most of the people that day… could understand why I was such a mess and they… didn’t really want to. I think they were well-meaning but also all they wanted was for me to just… stop it. But I can’t… I can’t lose you. I cannot. I just can’t. Not even a whisper of it, not even a joke about it.
Malcolm is excited to have a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. He's never had a romantic partner on Valentine's Day in his whole life and this year he not only has one, he has The One.
Possibly he has a fictional romance idea of what it should look like gleaned from movies and novels.
He knows Will will come by after his shift in the kennels, so after his regular Wednesday morning appointment with Avalon, he doesn't book anyone else and goes back to his cabin to prepare.
He makes a platter of finger foods for dinner from the tiny gourmet portions that Neal leaves him in his fridge. He couldn't find roses in the greenhouse, but he did find purple tulips. He sets a bouquet of them in a vase on the counter, then lights candles, setting them all around the cabin. Next: the gift. He takes three medieval throwing knives and lays them in a velvet lined wooden box with a glass top, so they can be stored or displayed in it and sets it on the island, next to the flowers and the food. After the port, elaborate weapons feel like an appropriate romantic gift.
And then he's expecting Will imminently. He puts soft music on the stereo and turns down the overhead lights and goes to get out a bottle of wine and two glasses while he waits.
Possibly he has a fictional romance idea of what it should look like gleaned from movies and novels.
He knows Will will come by after his shift in the kennels, so after his regular Wednesday morning appointment with Avalon, he doesn't book anyone else and goes back to his cabin to prepare.
He makes a platter of finger foods for dinner from the tiny gourmet portions that Neal leaves him in his fridge. He couldn't find roses in the greenhouse, but he did find purple tulips. He sets a bouquet of them in a vase on the counter, then lights candles, setting them all around the cabin. Next: the gift. He takes three medieval throwing knives and lays them in a velvet lined wooden box with a glass top, so they can be stored or displayed in it and sets it on the island, next to the flowers and the food. After the port, elaborate weapons feel like an appropriate romantic gift.
And then he's expecting Will imminently. He puts soft music on the stereo and turns down the overhead lights and goes to get out a bottle of wine and two glasses while he waits.
Will enters the cabin as usual, with Winston and Buster on the leashes that they probably don't actually need and already in the middle of leaning down to release them. It's not until he's standing back up again that he notices the everything that Malcolm has set up on the island. The music, the candles.
He breaks into a bright grin and fiddles with his ring as he walks in. "Malcolm?" he asks, before seeing him in the living room. "You set all this up?"
He breaks into a bright grin and fiddles with his ring as he walks in. "Malcolm?" he asks, before seeing him in the living room. "You set all this up?"
"Will!" He comes around the couch to give him an enthusiastic hug and a warm kiss. "Happy Valentine's Day," he says, still clinging to him, smiling softly at him.
You won't. You won't, and I know that's hard to believe. It's just going to be time and experience that'll sink that in.
[ He leans back a bit, but only so he can give Malcolm a soft kiss. Hopefully his determination and love will come through it. ]
Unfortunately, this place isn't particularly great for that. No one who's here lives here for long, except for a couple of people. And we may well be that couple of people in a few years. But it means we'll have to get used to saying goodbye. [ He tilts his head to the side. ] Maybe it'll be more like 'see you later,' once we can both take vacations.
[ He leans back a bit, but only so he can give Malcolm a soft kiss. Hopefully his determination and love will come through it. ]
Unfortunately, this place isn't particularly great for that. No one who's here lives here for long, except for a couple of people. And we may well be that couple of people in a few years. But it means we'll have to get used to saying goodbye. [ He tilts his head to the side. ] Maybe it'll be more like 'see you later,' once we can both take vacations.
Will hugs him back, pulling him back in for a longer kiss. "Happy Valentine's Day," he says, then follows that up with a small, slightly nervous chuckle. "I've never really- never properly celebrated it. This is- really nice. Thank you."
He's swept up in his own emotions, overwhelmed by himself rather than someone else. He's surprised someone would do this for him. Even if it's- well, a lot- the effort means a lot to him.
He's swept up in his own emotions, overwhelmed by himself rather than someone else. He's surprised someone would do this for him. Even if it's- well, a lot- the effort means a lot to him.
Malcolm is A Lot. But today it's all for Will.
He smiles broadly. Happily.
"I'm so glad you like it! I didn't know if it was cheesy or not," he explains, glancing around.
He smiles broadly. Happily.
"I'm so glad you like it! I didn't know if it was cheesy or not," he explains, glancing around.
[Malcolm smiles, a small tentative smile, but a smile nonetheless.]
They've all said we can visit. I asked.
[He looks up at Will.]
I won't leave without you, either. No matter what. I don't care if that means staying here forever. I won't go without you.
They've all said we can visit. I asked.
[He looks up at Will.]
I won't leave without you, either. No matter what. I don't care if that means staying here forever. I won't go without you.
Will looks down, grin turning into a happy smirk. "Mmm, maybe. But I do like cheese. Besides, I think it's best to go with your gut for this sort of thing. After all, I'm in love with you and how passionately you approach everything..."
He wants to nip at Malcolm's neck, but that might start something that they'd get caught up in too early. And Malcolm went to all this trouble. So he instead leans down for a chaste kiss- well, more of an openmouthed, hungry kiss. So sue him.
He wants to nip at Malcolm's neck, but that might start something that they'd get caught up in too early. And Malcolm went to all this trouble. So he instead leans down for a chaste kiss- well, more of an openmouthed, hungry kiss. So sue him.
It’s a good reward system. The kind that gets you enthusiastic surprises and heart eyes from someone who just can’t resist being cheesy sometimes.
He returns the kiss with equal passion and grins up at him when it breaks. “There’s food,” he says - a rare occasion, indeed - but rather than draw away from Will to show him, he drags him in that direction still stuck to him like a barnacle, where a plate of gourmet small bites are sitting on the counter. “Do you want some wine?”
He returns the kiss with equal passion and grins up at him when it breaks. “There’s food,” he says - a rare occasion, indeed - but rather than draw away from Will to show him, he drags him in that direction still stuck to him like a barnacle, where a plate of gourmet small bites are sitting on the counter. “Do you want some wine?”
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