Will Graham (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
empathicfault) wrote2023-06-18 11:04 am
empathicfault) wrote2023-06-18 11:04 am
IC Inbox
[Open for text/audio/action/whatever.]
[Open for text/audio/action/whatever.]
Only when I'm feeling a strain. So...every other day, about? Five minutes to twenty minutes at a time. Any more and my mind comes up with its own things to focus on.
[ That is, he starts hallucinating, which is kind of the opposite of what he's going for. ]
The zero-g lets you rest, right? Sort of turn off for a bit?
[ That is, he starts hallucinating, which is kind of the opposite of what he's going for. ]
The zero-g lets you rest, right? Sort of turn off for a bit?
Sounds like we are using them for similar reasons, then. Sort of a means to relax and reset. This environment isn't what either of us would've chosen. You have to engage socially with people who will most certainly misundertand you and you spend a lot of your time talking. With me, it's the...pressure of this many personalities, all at once. And engaging socially.
You can give the helmet a try sometime, if you'd be interested. You might get the same sensations out of that.
[ It mostly depends on if she wants things to feel entirely empty or not. ]
You can give the helmet a try sometime, if you'd be interested. You might get the same sensations out of that.
[ It mostly depends on if she wants things to feel entirely empty or not. ]
[ He nods in acknowledgement. Next time they end up at his cabin, he'll offer the helmet for her to try. The question gets a somewhat sheepish smile. ]
Not entirely, if I'm honest. Emotions'll run high, watch out for old grudges, go real easy on the alcohol. I feel like I'm missing something...
Not entirely, if I'm honest. Emotions'll run high, watch out for old grudges, go real easy on the alcohol. I feel like I'm missing something...
Right. That's a great idea. I've been taking Malcolm running in the fake woods a lot lately. But it'd probably be good to have some more...visceral outlets, for when I'm feeling frustrated. I'll have to think on what scenarios might work best...
[ But maybe he shouldn't introduce the topic of what he'd like to hunt right now. He looks over to Shaw, his expression curious. ]
How do you think I've been doing so far? Noticed anything worrying?
[ But maybe he shouldn't introduce the topic of what he'd like to hunt right now. He looks over to Shaw, his expression curious. ]
How do you think I've been doing so far? Noticed anything worrying?
No. But you haven't come to me with any issues, which either means there haven't been any or you've been keeping quiet about them. Either option's possible; I figure anything can have a honeymoon period.
[She raises an eyebrow, the obvious follow-up question unspoken.]
[She raises an eyebrow, the obvious follow-up question unspoken.]
[ Will chuckles briefly. ]
I suppose that's what you could call it. I've been doing my best to avoid Barge 'politics' and focus on enjoying my new state. The sensory deprivation helmet has been helping with that, too.
[ He tilts his head thoughtfully. ]
I'm not sure if my precautions have been working or if I'm actually a little better at handling these emotions, having dealt with calming wildly out-of-place emotions for decades now. Either way, I've been appreciating the transformations, the enhanced senses, and the fact that I don't seem nearly so tired all the time. I think I'm sleeping better?
[ He says that the same way someone would say 'I appear to have grown an extra toe.' That wasn't on his list of expected effects. ]
I suppose that's what you could call it. I've been doing my best to avoid Barge 'politics' and focus on enjoying my new state. The sensory deprivation helmet has been helping with that, too.
[ He tilts his head thoughtfully. ]
I'm not sure if my precautions have been working or if I'm actually a little better at handling these emotions, having dealt with calming wildly out-of-place emotions for decades now. Either way, I've been appreciating the transformations, the enhanced senses, and the fact that I don't seem nearly so tired all the time. I think I'm sleeping better?
[ He says that the same way someone would say 'I appear to have grown an extra toe.' That wasn't on his list of expected effects. ]
Always have, and it got worse when I started working for the FBI. I try to make up for it when I can, but there's only so many catnaps you can take while on a break.
Now I sometimes get five hours at once. That's pretty huge for me. I'm having less entirely sleepless nights, too.
Now I sometimes get five hours at once. That's pretty huge for me. I'm having less entirely sleepless nights, too.
Yeah? Okay.
I doubt it'll come up too much in the future. Our activities aren't exactly stressful in the way looking at dead bodies and pretending I killed them was.
I doubt it'll come up too much in the future. Our activities aren't exactly stressful in the way looking at dead bodies and pretending I killed them was.
[ He smiles. ] I know. It's...prevention, more than anything else. Being careful.
I appreciate you being straightforward with me about it. ...even if 'straightforward' is your default state.
I appreciate you being straightforward with me about it. ...even if 'straightforward' is your default state.
[ That actually gets a chuckle out of Will. ]
So many psychiatrists would've killed for that job, you know? Metaphorically.
...mostly metaphorically.
So many psychiatrists would've killed for that job, you know? Metaphorically.
...mostly metaphorically.
I love you. I didn’t say it last night.
I know it, whether you say it or not. I love you, too.
Did you manage to sleep at all?
Did you manage to sleep at all?
Not really. I don’t understand what’s happening. Are you in trouble? You weren’t the aggressor. Johann cut Hilbert’s throat earlier in the week for torturing him and because Hilbert was the aggressor, they just let Johann go. And he has a history of murdering people on board just for fun. But this wasn’t that, so he’s not in trouble. Why are you in trouble?
If I were there, I'd do some breathing exercises with you.
I'm not in trouble. At least, I'm not in what I would consider to be trouble. Shaw is keeping a close eye on me because I was suddenly and wildly violent. I WAS the aggressor, Malcolm. Avalon didn't have a weapon and wasn't physically threatening me.
Verbal is different. Verbal threatening allows for time to let the people in charge do things. And as much as I pretend sometimes, that's not me.
[ That part's more for Shaw than Malcolm, admittedly. But it probably doesn't hurt Malcolm to hear it every so often. ]
Shaw is watching me to make sure I don't have a relapse, I imagine, but also to make sure Avalon doesn't have a chance to attack me. She's protecting me, too. She's not even restricting me, she's just going with me where I go.
And it's not forever. So calm down, okay? If you can. I do know that's tough for you.
But it'll be all right.
I'm not in trouble. At least, I'm not in what I would consider to be trouble. Shaw is keeping a close eye on me because I was suddenly and wildly violent. I WAS the aggressor, Malcolm. Avalon didn't have a weapon and wasn't physically threatening me.
Verbal is different. Verbal threatening allows for time to let the people in charge do things. And as much as I pretend sometimes, that's not me.
[ That part's more for Shaw than Malcolm, admittedly. But it probably doesn't hurt Malcolm to hear it every so often. ]
Shaw is watching me to make sure I don't have a relapse, I imagine, but also to make sure Avalon doesn't have a chance to attack me. She's protecting me, too. She's not even restricting me, she's just going with me where I go.
And it's not forever. So calm down, okay? If you can. I do know that's tough for you.
But it'll be all right.
How long is she going to follow you everywhere?
I don't know. Until we get some things settled about the attack, I'm guessing.
We have to do this right if we're going to ask other people to do it right. Don't you think?
We have to do this right if we're going to ask other people to do it right. Don't you think?
Yes. I’m just not sure this is right. You feel like it might be because of what you’ve done in the past. But Avalon tortured you. Continuing to lurk around is menacing. I’m not personally worried that it’s going to set you on a killing spree.
But it’s not my business. I’m not your Warden.
Do you think this is the right thing? Do you think you’re a danger to people here?
But it’s not my business. I’m not your Warden.
Do you think this is the right thing? Do you think you’re a danger to people here?
I think I could be. Especially because I've worked hard to get my emotions under control and they very much were not yesterday. I was frustrated, sure, but I can use my words. I'm very good at using my words.
So I don't know if this is exactly right, but I'd rather overdo it here. Especially since 'overdoing it' apparently means I don't have to sit in Zero for the week, and would never have meant the cages and restraints I've seen before.
I would rather be spending time with you, of course. But it's nice to have more than one person care. Even Reid cared.
So I don't know if this is exactly right, but I'd rather overdo it here. Especially since 'overdoing it' apparently means I don't have to sit in Zero for the week, and would never have meant the cages and restraints I've seen before.
I would rather be spending time with you, of course. But it's nice to have more than one person care. Even Reid cared.
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