Will Graham (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
empathicfault) wrote2023-06-18 11:04 am
empathicfault) wrote2023-06-18 11:04 am
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[Open for text/audio/action/whatever.]
[Open for text/audio/action/whatever.]
Will listens, and it makes more sense the more Malcolm relaxes and the more specifics he goes into. And he can't help but be extremely charmed by the kiss to his wrist. He closes his eyes so he can savor the feeling more, a content smile on his face.
He nods a little as Malcolm finishes talking. "I'm starting to think we should all three of us spend more time together, now that I don't have to worry about your feelings for Shaw interfering with my feelings for you. You- neither of you- interact with people in a 'normal' way. You both are coming from opposite ends of the emotional spectrum, and it puts your communication at odds."
He sits up just a little to face Malcolm a bit more. "Shaw is used to putting in more effort to try and interpret facial expressions and movements as other people's emotions about something. You have that with no effort, but you also communicate with a strong emotional component. You don't hide yours like I got used to." The fond look on his face makes it clear he appreciates that. "But Shaw is always looking for the subtext she might be missing, and there just...isn't any, from you. You would've said it out loud, if you wanted to brag. Right?"
He nods a little as Malcolm finishes talking. "I'm starting to think we should all three of us spend more time together, now that I don't have to worry about your feelings for Shaw interfering with my feelings for you. You- neither of you- interact with people in a 'normal' way. You both are coming from opposite ends of the emotional spectrum, and it puts your communication at odds."
He sits up just a little to face Malcolm a bit more. "Shaw is used to putting in more effort to try and interpret facial expressions and movements as other people's emotions about something. You have that with no effort, but you also communicate with a strong emotional component. You don't hide yours like I got used to." The fond look on his face makes it clear he appreciates that. "But Shaw is always looking for the subtext she might be missing, and there just...isn't any, from you. You would've said it out loud, if you wanted to brag. Right?"
"Yes, thank you! I would have bragged if I wanted to brag. Like. 'By the way, guess how much sex I'm having? A lot'," he demonstrates with earnest. He frowns faintly. "She started trying to get me to explain why I... say what I say and stuff and I asked her to call you and she said no. I think it would have been less painful. I wanted to bring you in. We need... training wheels."
Yes. I went into just about everything, and then, during that damn bug-flood--
[ He doesn't actually sound too upset about it, in this context. ]
We even got into the more uncomfortable parts. How I felt. How I still feel. He knows as much as you do.
[ He doesn't actually sound too upset about it, in this context. ]
We even got into the more uncomfortable parts. How I felt. How I still feel. He knows as much as you do.
Will half-hides his amusement at Malcolm's example. He doesn't mind it at all. But he does settle down as Malcolm frowns.
"You might. But I can understand her trying to get your separate perspective on our relationship while I'm not there to influence it. You and her just bounce off each other like rubber balls. It might help if you both stopped inferring anything from tone or body language and went purely off of the words you say to each other. If you both trust that the other will be honest- and you both are remarkably honest- you'd both have an easier time of it."
But that's as much advice as he's going to give. He rubs Malcolm's shoulder and asks, somewhat more gently, "What was painful about it?"
"You might. But I can understand her trying to get your separate perspective on our relationship while I'm not there to influence it. You and her just bounce off each other like rubber balls. It might help if you both stopped inferring anything from tone or body language and went purely off of the words you say to each other. If you both trust that the other will be honest- and you both are remarkably honest- you'd both have an easier time of it."
But that's as much advice as he's going to give. He rubs Malcolm's shoulder and asks, somewhat more gently, "What was painful about it?"
Mm, he doesn't have the file, and I don't have your full perspective laid out all at once from beginning to end. Did he, uh-- did he relate to you, considering his dad and all?
[Had he seen Will's relationship with Hannibal as similarly unhealthy and dangerous, or had he seen Hannibal purely as a romantic rival?]
[Had he seen Will's relationship with Hannibal as similarly unhealthy and dangerous, or had he seen Hannibal purely as a romantic rival?]
"That's what I did," he promises. "But she assumes I'm reading into things even when I'm not and she doesn't believe what I tell her... it wasn't about our relationship anymore, by the time I asked for you. It had gone into... everywhere. But that wasn't the worst, really. She kept insisting that I should ask her questions, too, and she'd answer honestly. So... I asked her if she told Eiffel that what he said to me at the Lestat meeting was out of line. The short version is that she didn't and she thinks it's fine because he thought he was protecting Neal, even though he actually wasn't and then she thought equating what Laura and Eiffel did with what Lestat did was 'over the top' and I was trying to leave but the elevator wouldn't come fast enough and I asked her what the threshold of harm was, in her view, for hurting someone just to hurt them to be unacceptable and all she said was that Lestat bled me so badly that I almost passed out and redirected the conversation to whether or not I actually did pass out but all I could think was that.... that wasn't really an answer. Or else the bar is basically death and she didn't want to say it outright."
When it comes to complicated feelings about a relentless murderer, yes. And what it feels like to have that murderer focus so singularly on you. He picked up on the fact that Hannibal set up a 'trauma bond' with me almost immediately, as well.
I told him about the psychic driving, and the feelings that eventually developed- partially to see if it seemed like Hannibal implanted that while he was trying to turn me into a killer...but we didn't find anything conclusive there. I doubt it, though.
I told him about the psychic driving, and the feelings that eventually developed- partially to see if it seemed like Hannibal implanted that while he was trying to turn me into a killer...but we didn't find anything conclusive there. I doubt it, though.
Will's frown deepens as Malcolm continues, and it comes down to that damn meeting again. And hearing what Shaw thought makes him huff out a breath and bite his lip. He's going to have to ask about that. About a lot of this.
But for now, he pulls Malcolm into another hug, careful of Winston as he does so. He kisses the side of Malcolm's head and then gives him a gentle kiss on the lips. "I'm sorry," he says, because someone should. "Feels like a damn junior high here sometimes. A junior high with murderers. Just our luck, huh?"
And with that context, he adds gently, "I'll talk to her, okay? About this."
But for now, he pulls Malcolm into another hug, careful of Winston as he does so. He kisses the side of Malcolm's head and then gives him a gentle kiss on the lips. "I'm sorry," he says, because someone should. "Feels like a damn junior high here sometimes. A junior high with murderers. Just our luck, huh?"
And with that context, he adds gently, "I'll talk to her, okay? About this."
“I wish I could handle this without that, but. I think it’s pretty clear that I can’t. She wants to build understanding between us and I told her important emotional work can’t be done all at once or by force. So… for the next one… I think you should be there. I’d like it if you could be there,” Malcolm tells him. “I think we’ll get farther if you can be there at first.”
Mmmhmm. We both have been in therapy since we were kids, then studied abnormal psychology later on. We'd have to be extremely deep in denial to not notice the signs of a narcissistic sociopath taking advantage of a situation.
But I know you have to check on it, too. Because something went very wrong somewhere- and probably multiple somewheres- with me.
But I know you have to check on it, too. Because something went very wrong somewhere- and probably multiple somewheres- with me.
Because no matter how smart and experienced someone is, people are still fallible.
[A pause.]
It's not an insult, you know. I don't think you, like-- failed, or that you're weak. People think that about me sometimes: they assume that someone like me must think their emotions make them weak.
[A pause.]
It's not an insult, you know. I don't think you, like-- failed, or that you're weak. People think that about me sometimes: they assume that someone like me must think their emotions make them weak.
I know it's not an insult. I'm not surprised people have reacted that way toward you, but I've never thought of you that way.
Besides, anyone who doesn't think they're fallible or weak sometimes is lying to themselves.
Besides, anyone who doesn't think they're fallible or weak sometimes is lying to themselves.
"Okay," Will says, shifting back to hug Malcolm's shoulders from the side. "I think that's a good idea. Maybe actually schedule it beforehand? I don't mind treating her like a couples' counselor." He snorts at the thought, though. "Or maybe more like a parole officer, checking in on whether I'm committing love crimes."
He leans his head up against Malcolm's. "My...position has made it so you're getting invasive questions on your private life- as if we didn't have enough issues coming into this. I apologize. I can only hope I'll be worth it, as time goes on."
He leans his head up against Malcolm's. "My...position has made it so you're getting invasive questions on your private life- as if we didn't have enough issues coming into this. I apologize. I can only hope I'll be worth it, as time goes on."
"I didn't mind those ones so much. ...Maybe next time, I'll brag," he teases with a grin, closing his eyes to focus on the warmth of being snuggled up there. His expression grows serious again, though he doesn't open his eyes. "The only one I didn't want to answer - and didn't at all - was the demand to know all the future plans we've talked about. I don't want to tell her we're going to get our own ship and go anywhere. She'll be like... I knew it! You're going to isolate yourselves on a ship! But, really, if we get the kind of ship we want, we'll be able to visit anyone, any time we want. No matter where they go after this. I think it'll make us more social than if we just have them drop us in one world or another." There's a pause. "Do you think living on a space boat will be like when you lived on a houseboat?"
"Might be something like it," Will replies with a smile. It's a nice thought, just docking in different worlds whenever they want to settle for a bit, staying in the spots they like. "Although hopefully the engine'll break down less."
The plan still makes him feel warm and content inside. He'd never felt entirely comfortable in a house, not even his place in Wolf Trap. He didn't know what to do with it, other than exist inside it. His dogs were what made it home. He'd never felt the need to set roots down.
He squeezes Malcolm's shoulder before addressing his worry. "I don't think Shaw would hate the idea, by the way. Especially if I explain why I want to do it this way. That I want to see new things and help people, and I don't want to lose track of anyone I've gotten close to here. She'd understand that." He closes his eyes, briefly, and imagines it. "It'd let me help her out, too- she...actually offered to take me back to her world, after graduation. If I wanted. She thought I'd work well with her team."
The plan still makes him feel warm and content inside. He'd never felt entirely comfortable in a house, not even his place in Wolf Trap. He didn't know what to do with it, other than exist inside it. His dogs were what made it home. He'd never felt the need to set roots down.
He squeezes Malcolm's shoulder before addressing his worry. "I don't think Shaw would hate the idea, by the way. Especially if I explain why I want to do it this way. That I want to see new things and help people, and I don't want to lose track of anyone I've gotten close to here. She'd understand that." He closes his eyes, briefly, and imagines it. "It'd let me help her out, too- she...actually offered to take me back to her world, after graduation. If I wanted. She thought I'd work well with her team."
“Even if I thought she’d take it well - and she rarely takes things well when I say them - I didn’t think it was fair to ask me that behind your back,” Malcolm tells him. “It’s ours.”
Oh, easier. Definitely. I spent so much of my life trying to sort out the mess that is my head- I know better than anyone how bad I can get. So it's easy to know I have blind spots, biases, and wrong assumptions- and maybe harder to point them out to myself, since they're buried in with a number of feelings that aren't really mine.
[ He's quiet for a moment, then offers an example. ]
...looking back, I can see I couldn't stay objective when it came to Abigail Hobbs. I had far too many feelings wrapped up with her.
[ He's quiet for a moment, then offers an example. ]
...looking back, I can see I couldn't stay objective when it came to Abigail Hobbs. I had far too many feelings wrapped up with her.
Will can't help it- that makes him grin with delight. "It is. But I don't mind telling her if you you're all right with it. It'll keep being ours." Maybe he'll just leave off the part of wanting to solve people's problems via violent murder. "Do you know what you'd want it to look like? We could probably ask for anything."
Edited 2023-07-29 00:50 (UTC)
Thanks.
[ He laces his fingers together, looking down at them as well. ]
I should've listened to Alana about her. Kept my distance. Hannibal would've kept his.
[ He laces his fingers together, looking down at them as well. ]
I should've listened to Alana about her. Kept my distance. Hannibal would've kept his.
[She looks up again when he looks down, eyes steady on his bent head.]
You've made a lot of crappy choices. And sure, some of those crappy choices tied into what happened to her. But that's not the same thing as your choices causing her death, or it being your fault. Hannibal Lecter caused her death. It was his fault.
You've made a lot of crappy choices. And sure, some of those crappy choices tied into what happened to her. But that's not the same thing as your choices causing her death, or it being your fault. Hannibal Lecter caused her death. It was his fault.
"I don't mind what the outside looks like. I just want it to be... kind of open concept inside. Like my apartment. ...I have claustrophobia," Malcolm says. "But not too big. Cozy."
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