empathicfault | IC Inbox

"She didn't," Will refutes. "She wanted me to see the other therapists too. But I- I know that's not the issue. She didn't trust you to be able to handle it by yourself. I don't think she's right about that."

But Will knows that his opinion only counts so far when it's about him. "I think," he continues. "-that there are those people who only you can get through to. And in order to find them, you might have confrontations with others...or even those you do help. Your way is blunt and volatile. But it's the truth, and so many people here need that truth."

He frowns a bit, this time at himself. "I don't want you to be unhappy. Or beat your head against what seems like a brick wall. But I don't want you to lose something that's...fulfilling to you, either."

Malcolm thinks about that.

“Last time I had… concerns about… whether I was doing any good, Kiryu suggested that the doubts themselves would undermine the faith people might have in my abilities. He said I should get a tattoo that reminds me of why I do it. He showed me his. It’s a magnificent full back tattoo, though he didn’t think I needed anything that… big. He even offered to take me to the master in Japan that did his. But… it’s not even about not really helping this time. I did harm to Neal. And he’s not the first. Roman. Shaw. Florian. Sweeney. There’s a list of people I just made things worse with. I don’t want to be the guy that hurts people.”

"Hey, hey. Hold on. You're catastrophizing," Will says plainly, rubbing Malcolm's back. "Kiryu has your number, you know. It's your trust in yourself that you need to build here. Shaw hasn't thought you've done harm to her. Hark- Sweeney, you're making progress with." Harkin grunts less loudly when Will brings Malcolm up now. Will still thinks that should count. "And Florian just got here. Calm down, breathe, and tell me one person that you think got at least one piece of good advice from you. I know there's at least one."

He's right, he's right, Will's right. Malcolm takes a breath, however shaky, in through his nose and out through his mouth, then another, slower, a little more steady.

"Okay. Um." He can do this. One person that got help from his advice. "...Kikimora?" He suggests. "...Maybe Johann, but I don't know if that's going to stick now. I'm not sure it's a good thing for him that Florian is here." He pauses. "Um. I was helping Neal for a little while. But in retrospect, I'm not sure it was working because he liked my methods. I think it was working because he liked me. ...Francis. I helped Francis quit drinking again. He asked me to."

Will is so glad that Malcolm will take advice from him- he knows it's because Malcolm's has been through so much therapy, but as the saying goes- 'doctors make the worst patients.' And Malcolm's been in that role for a while now.

He didn't expect to hear more than one name, either, so the list is encouraging. "He asked you to, huh? And you got through to Kikimora, really? I gave up on her after one conversation." And maybe that wasn't entirely fair, but that's why Will would never be interested in anything near this type of job.

Malcolm smiles down at Will's knee and somehow manages to snuggle a little closer.

"It only took about six tries, but I got her to even come in the office and talk over a cup of coffee." He tilts his head to look at Will. "She's not graduating any time soon."

Will smiles a little too. "No, didn't figure she would be. That's a good list, though."

He could keep breaking down the others listed, be very reasonable and methodical about it, but Will takes this less-panicked time to kiss Malcolm gently on the side of the head and continue rubbing his back. Will can't tell him it'll all be okay- that's a platitude that hasn't worked with him for years.

But what he can do is be here, a warm presence that Malcolm can take some solace in. In order to accommodate that, Will shifts around a bit and then manages to pull the edge of the warm blanket over his shoulders as well. His arm carefully finds its way around Malcolm's back, just under the blanket now. They can sit under here for a while. "I'll get you some tea in a little bit," he promises.

It’s so warm and he feels… loved and this is the only sanctuary on the whole ship.

Malcolm curls up against his side, his head on Will’s shoulder. He traces a pattern on Will’s leg.

“Can I just… stay here tonight? I’m not going to sleep.” He quickly adds “You can sleep! I just. Already know I won’t. So maybe I can just stay here. If that’s okay.”

"Of course. And odds are 50/50 that I won't sleep, either, so it'd be nice to have the company." His arm squeezes Malcolm closer, just a bit. Maybe it's a little bit possessive...but Will doesn't want Malcolm going anywhere.

As if to help out, Winston lays his head on Malcolm's feet. Will notices and chuckles. "Looks like the dogs agree." Jet is in the process of trying to 'sneak' onto the open spot on the couch, next to Malcolm- as if Will has ever restricted couch access to any dog before.

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