Will Graham (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
empathicfault) wrote2023-06-18 11:04 am
empathicfault) wrote2023-06-18 11:04 am
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[Open for text/audio/action/whatever.]
[Open for text/audio/action/whatever.]
“Unearned?” Malcolm asks. He wants to understand how he means that before he answers.
How does he put this? "I'm...comfortable in the dark, with the violence. More comfortable than in most of the more 'acceptable' places. You've known that. I fell back into it so quickly."
His eyes drop down to Malcolm's fingers. "If there's anything the past week has shown me, it's that I'm clearly not as far from that darkness as I thought. As I maybe hoped."
His eyes drop down to Malcolm's fingers. "If there's anything the past week has shown me, it's that I'm clearly not as far from that darkness as I thought. As I maybe hoped."
"Because it's tempting?" Malcolm clarifies. "I'm tempted by it too." He touches Will's face. "It didn't scare me like... being scared you would hurt me or something. If it scared me at all, it was in a... maybe you would realize that you weren't into me as much, after having a chance to be with him like that here. Danger is exciting. Maybe being safe is getting boring."
Will decides not to mention that he doesn't think that he'd be able to be like that with Hannibal at all here, because they'd both be locked down far more tightly than he has been thus far. It's true, but also not the point.
"I...I like the darkness in you, Malcolm. And the light. Being with you isn't boring...even if we weren't on a ship that goes to hell every couple of weeks- and might do so literally some day. That's why I want what I want. A safe home with you and access to everything else. All the good fights we could imagine."
He frowns a bit, after considering another option. "But I don't...you've worked so hard to not step across the line. And I-" He's being too soft about it again. It's hard not to be when he's leaning his face into Malcolm's hand and enjoying the comfort of the bed. "I replay killing Avalon in my head. It was...so. Satisfying. To finally do something when nothing had worked. To watch their breathing slow and hitch and stop. To know they deserved it a thousand times over."
He's practically salivating, recounting it. Maybe that's a werewolf thing, but he's not entirely betting on it. He pulls in a shaky breath and realizes he stopped watching Malcolm's face. He looks back up now, cautiously. "I don't want to tug you over that line. But I am- I do often wish you could step across it. Because the most terrifying thing in my life right now? It's the thought of losing you. And I doubt I can change the part of me that sees beauty, in a terrible end for horrible people."
"I...I like the darkness in you, Malcolm. And the light. Being with you isn't boring...even if we weren't on a ship that goes to hell every couple of weeks- and might do so literally some day. That's why I want what I want. A safe home with you and access to everything else. All the good fights we could imagine."
He frowns a bit, after considering another option. "But I don't...you've worked so hard to not step across the line. And I-" He's being too soft about it again. It's hard not to be when he's leaning his face into Malcolm's hand and enjoying the comfort of the bed. "I replay killing Avalon in my head. It was...so. Satisfying. To finally do something when nothing had worked. To watch their breathing slow and hitch and stop. To know they deserved it a thousand times over."
He's practically salivating, recounting it. Maybe that's a werewolf thing, but he's not entirely betting on it. He pulls in a shaky breath and realizes he stopped watching Malcolm's face. He looks back up now, cautiously. "I don't want to tug you over that line. But I am- I do often wish you could step across it. Because the most terrifying thing in my life right now? It's the thought of losing you. And I doubt I can change the part of me that sees beauty, in a terrible end for horrible people."
Edited (rephrasing) 2023-10-25 01:28 (UTC)
“I’m not strictly against bad things happening to bad people,” Malcolm tells him carefully, but there’s no revulsion or even distaste in his eyes. “There was a bad man in my world. He was going to hurt my family. He had Gil stabbed. He was a monster and he was pulling political strings at the highest levels. One night, my sister just… lost it and stabbed him to death right in front of me. You know what I did? I covered it up. I dismembered his corpse and then I actually used the guy’s own clandestine courier network to have the pieces dropped in a lake in Estonia. And… I’m not saying that I didn’t have an existential crisis or three over it, but I also came here about an hour after stabbing my father. Shaw thinks I don’t understand why you’re an inmate because I think we’re so similar, but she’s so wrong about that. I don’t always understand why I’m a Warden. But I also feel like explaining that to her would be… counterproductive. And if we’re going to make a home anywhere, we have to get you graduated. But I don’t want… I don’t want to not have you in the meantime. That’s all I was concerned about that day. And… if Hannibal does really show up here… I just. Want to still matter to you.”
This is entirely her influence, yeah. Food has a lot of meaning back home though. Everything gets put into the group. I never got to give anything special to any one person, you know?
Hey
Just checking in to see if you made it through alright.
I stopped bleeding
And no one's assaulted me since.
You ok?
Hannibal fuck off?
Just checking in to see if you made it through alright.
I stopped bleeding
And no one's assaulted me since.
You ok?
Hannibal fuck off?
Will smiles at Taylor, not opting to talk about the "Hasn't gone back to therapy" sign over her head. Because why would he? And he's gotten a fairly long way during this flood by just ignoring what he can? He suspects plenty of others have done the same for him. (Shaw is the exception, but she is his warden.)
He's currently sitting in the Chair Everyone Sits In when they're alone, because it's the most comfortable to read in. He's been catching up on reptile info, himself (iguanas, right now). But he sets the book down at her question. He eyes her bag with interest and curiosity.
"They're fine. Kind of cute, as long as they weren't eating through my trees." He nods towards her. "You have some beetles in there?"
He's currently sitting in the Chair Everyone Sits In when they're alone, because it's the most comfortable to read in. He's been catching up on reptile info, himself (iguanas, right now). But he sets the book down at her question. He eyes her bag with interest and curiosity.
"They're fine. Kind of cute, as long as they weren't eating through my trees." He nods towards her. "You have some beetles in there?"
[ Damn it, he was going to keep an eye on Hark, and he let himself get distracted by someone who didn't even exist. ]
I'm okay. Hannibal's gone, along with the rest of it.
Glad you stopped bleeding, but you got attacked?
Never mind- Of course you did. Everyone was nuts. Are you all right now? Recovering?
I'm okay. Hannibal's gone, along with the rest of it.
Glad you stopped bleeding, but you got attacked?
Never mind- Of course you did. Everyone was nuts. Are you all right now? Recovering?
Yeah
Did the responsible bullshit and went to the infirmary and everything.
More than once even
I fucking hate that shit
Especially when they just magic shit away.
Which I know is kinda hypocritical now.
Me learning magic.
But it's different
In my brain
Nevermind
Let me know when you're up for company?
I don't know what the Shaw thing looks like.
Did the responsible bullshit and went to the infirmary and everything.
More than once even
I fucking hate that shit
Especially when they just magic shit away.
Which I know is kinda hypocritical now.
Me learning magic.
But it's different
In my brain
Nevermind
Let me know when you're up for company?
I don't know what the Shaw thing looks like.
“Dermestids.” Based on their last real conversation, she’d be surprised if he didn’t recognize them, commonly used to clean skeletal remains. “I’m going to turn them loose on the play pen and give it a good cleaning.”
Her eyes flick to the space above his head, and she’s not quick enough to hide the slight widening of her eyes at ‘murder-date.’
Her eyes flick to the space above his head, and she’s not quick enough to hide the slight widening of her eyes at ‘murder-date.’
Will's heard the first bit of this, but it's helpful to hear it retold, re-committed, after everything he's just gone into. Will can't help but smirk at hearing that the guy's own network was used to hide the body parts. A little bit of the Will Graham who burned evidence and joyously ate ortolan peeks through again.
The middle part, the part about Malcolm somehow 'mysteriously' being a Warden, needs addressing, but it's obviously not as pressing as the What If scenario posed.
He opens his mouth, thinks for a moment, then says, "I know that it's hard to believe what would happen until it did, for a...situation as dire as that. But I can say with confidence that you would still matter to me. I would still love you, dearly. And I won't let him kill you. I...know you didn't ask about that, but he'd try. You know he would."
Of course he would.
"I...I thought my feelings for him would've faded. But he's struck down to my core and...attached. A part of me will probably always be him, now." He smiles, but it's more of a twitch than something real. "A part of my past, but still...embedded. And I'm sorry for that."
The middle part, the part about Malcolm somehow 'mysteriously' being a Warden, needs addressing, but it's obviously not as pressing as the What If scenario posed.
He opens his mouth, thinks for a moment, then says, "I know that it's hard to believe what would happen until it did, for a...situation as dire as that. But I can say with confidence that you would still matter to me. I would still love you, dearly. And I won't let him kill you. I...know you didn't ask about that, but he'd try. You know he would."
Of course he would.
"I...I thought my feelings for him would've faded. But he's struck down to my core and...attached. A part of me will probably always be him, now." He smiles, but it's more of a twitch than something real. "A part of my past, but still...embedded. And I'm sorry for that."
“I don’t want you to be sorry for who you are. My… abuser is part of me, too. I tried to deny that for a long time, but… I’d come to terms with it before I came here.” He presses his lips together. “I’ll try not to… say what I think when Shaw is… lecturing you or whatever. I just… don’t always have good impulse control. She thinks I’m going to keep you from graduating by telling you you’re perfect, no notes, and that you’ll believe me and not listen to her and then you won’t change what needs changed to get out of here. Which… is a perversion of what I actually meant that night, but she won’t hear that. Nobody who came to talk to me about leaving the Wardening to Shaw would hear that. I’m tired of screaming into the void about it. But that’s why - now - a bunch of people apparently think I’m bad for you. Because I’m keeping you from graduating by blindly idolizing you.”
"Dermestids," Will repeats, his smile brightening. "Either the best friends or worst enemies of forensics, depending on what they're trying to analyze. That's ingenious. I'm sure they won't mind cleaning up some dog fur and shed skin cells."
He almost lets it go entirely, but- he does find his own eyes flicking upward, trying to decipher what's never been decipherable. "It's a bad one, huh? You can ask about it." 'If you want to', is Will's implication. He certainly seems like he's not going to be bothered about it either way. He knows the things he's done.
He almost lets it go entirely, but- he does find his own eyes flicking upward, trying to decipher what's never been decipherable. "It's a bad one, huh? You can ask about it." 'If you want to', is Will's implication. He certainly seems like he's not going to be bothered about it either way. He knows the things he's done.
"Does... your 'best cannibal' imply that you have cannibals, plural?" she asks, tipping her bag out into a corner of the big pen. It is indeed a large pile of the fingertip-sized black-brown beetles, enough to fill maybe a gallon jug, and they begin to spread out immediately, spacing themselves with unnatural orderliness to begin the work.
It's an echo of their first conversation, with the vibrations given time to warp. But it comes back in crystal clarity, the same trust even after all the details have been laid out. Malcolm doesn't even hesitate. The things he's worried about are not at all a concern for Will. They are bound tightly now, in their experiences and understanding. Will's not going to let Malcolm go. Not even for Hannibal.
The rest is...well, it doesn't matter as much, but they do need to talk about it. Will leans towards Malcolm and kisses him, softly on the forehead first, and then on the lips. "You want me to graduate more than anyone else here. I know that. But I think...I might've found a hitch in your logic." He's settled now, and he speaks with a gentle tone. "You don't idolize me, but you also think of yourself as...less than you are. You've dug yourself a hole to live in, and you don't belong there."
The rest is...well, it doesn't matter as much, but they do need to talk about it. Will leans towards Malcolm and kisses him, softly on the forehead first, and then on the lips. "You want me to graduate more than anyone else here. I know that. But I think...I might've found a hitch in your logic." He's settled now, and he speaks with a gentle tone. "You don't idolize me, but you also think of yourself as...less than you are. You've dug yourself a hole to live in, and you don't belong there."
He puzzles over that.
"What do you mean?" he asks, but it's curious more than anything and there's significantly less anxiety in the way his fingers fidget at the collar of Will's undershirt or lightly along the skin of his neck alongside it.
"What do you mean?" he asks, but it's curious more than anything and there's significantly less anxiety in the way his fingers fidget at the collar of Will's undershirt or lightly along the skin of his neck alongside it.
Yeah...hmmm. Maybe some of the longer-lived beings here- the gods and god-like- maybe they could understand them a little better.
And if they could explain some of it to me, I'd appreciate knowing that, too.
And if they could explain some of it to me, I'd appreciate knowing that, too.
Okay, so come on over whenever. Shaw isn't sticking around my cabin anymore, she just wants me with her out in the public spaces.
But also- how many times were you attacked? Can't say I care for the infirmary either. Glad you went, though, if you got really hurt.
But also- how many times were you attacked? Can't say I care for the infirmary either. Glad you went, though, if you got really hurt.
Just 4
Only 3 with extra blood
Are you free now?
Later's ok too
Only 3 with extra blood
Are you free now?
Later's ok too
Will's enthusiasm for watching the dermestids immediately crumbles at her question. He lets out an embarrassed chuckle while rubbing his face with both hands. "Oh god, that's...yes. There've been multiple during my past decade or so of time in the FBI, hunting serial killers. 'Best' probably implies Hannibal Lecter, since he was the most successful. And the signs seem to want to be as obnoxious as possible."
He fully expects more signs centered on Hannibal, before the flood is over. There's a lot of material to work with. "Do I even dare ask what it says?" He's a little glad that the beetles are being so attention-grabbing, as his gaze is kind of naturally down there right now, anyway.
He fully expects more signs centered on Hannibal, before the flood is over. There's a lot of material to work with. "Do I even dare ask what it says?" He's a little glad that the beetles are being so attention-grabbing, as his gaze is kind of naturally down there right now, anyway.
Four??
Fuck. That's a lot.
I'm free now, yeah. Come on over. I've got something like whiskey from Chiron II. We can share.
Fuck. That's a lot.
I'm free now, yeah. Come on over. I've got something like whiskey from Chiron II. We can share.
Sounds good
On my way
-----------
It doesn't take long before Sweeney's rapping on the door.
On my way
-----------
It doesn't take long before Sweeney's rapping on the door.
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