empathicfault | IC Inbox

Hello, Ulla. I do seem to have gotten it out of my system. More importantly...it seems like other people might've finally gotten it out of their systems.

I'm free now. Want me to come now or wait a few minutes?

Now is good. I'll see you in a few minutes.

[ He arrived quickly, within a couple minutes. He'd only been doing some light reading, and he'd honestly rather be spending some time with his sister.

He knocks on her door and waits a moment before trying the knob. If she's still in the water, he doesn't want her to feel like she needs to get out. ]

Ulla's been in human form this whole month because she expected trouble after Cat King's fights right after they were paired. She wanted to be mobile. So the water in the cabin is all the way lowered, and Will isn't waiting long before she opens the door, pulling him into a hug.

"Do you want to curl up together in the grotto, or go sit in the chairs on the balcony?"

He hugs her back, lingering.
He's been lingering a little longer ever since the breach.

"Let's go to the grotto," he replies after a moment of thought. "Curling up sounds rather decadent right now."

He gives her a tired smile. "I'll follow you down?"

Ulla has a whole nest of pillows and blankets set up and waiting, with Hjerte already there. He would have come out to join them if Will chose differently. She sprawls on her side next to Hjerte and beckons welcomingly to Will. "I'm always happy to curl up with you, you know. It feels good. Like home."

It's a standing invitation. And she'd welcome the comfort right now too. As soon as Will joins her she'll curl into his side, resting her head on his shoulder and draping an arm across his waist. Hjerte will settle in the curve of Ulla's waist and drape a couple tentacles over Will too.

"Feels nothing like my original home, which is also good." Molly would curl up with him sometimes, but it always felt forced. Like he was taking on the persona of all those sappy Lifetime movies they'd watched together.

This is different. This recalls him and Ulla in the forest, curled up with each other for warmth. Never being alone. His arm goes around her shoulder and his other arm is relaxed (but palm up) so Hjerte can get a couple tentacles on him. He hasn't grabbed a blanket yet, but even just sprawled out on all these pillows, this feels decadent.

He lets out a pleased 'mmm' and lightly leans his head towards hers. "How are you holding up, Ulla? Truly." Inmates are often capable of awful things, but the Cat King just won the prize for Most Horrific Murder on Board in Current Memory. Being in charge of that? Well, it makes him glad for Wu Xin.

Ulla hums her acknowledgement. "It's the only thing I miss about my old home." She knows about wanting to leave that behind.

"I'm alright," she assures him softly, with a sigh. "Now, anyway. Hanna graduated afterwards, which helps. At least he gained something good out of the wreckage. The worst of it was... how guilty I felt knowing the pair of them had a fight before the breach. Realizing I chose the wrong restrictions in response."

She hesitates, then adds, "That, and it was fire. I've burned three times now. Once in my world, nearly to death. I was boiled alive once here; I've died a few times on the Barge, but that was the worst of them. And I was tortured with fire in someone's nightmare mindscape. It's the only injury that really shocks or scares me."

He hugs her closely, hearing about the fire. "And of course he chose it," Will murmurs, a coldness in his tone. It's one that surprises even him, and he makes sure he breathes before softening his words.

"I'm sorry, Ulla. What an absolute worst-case scenario. I don't blame you for feeling guilty, but you couldn't have known just how...creative you temp inmate was. Don't beat yourself up too hard about it."

"It was... awful. Terrible for Hanna. Taylor was furious and hurting, of course."

She pauses to consider her words. "But at the same time... for me, this wasn't as bad as some of the times when I was monitoring the unpaired inmates. This was horrible in the moment, but by the next day I was myself again. It didn't eat away at me and leave me exhausted, or at a breaking point. I didn't have to deal with an unpaired inmate killing my inmate, or one unpaired inmate executing a revenge plot against another. I wasn't responsible for every side of a feud, trying to manage everyone's safety and anger at once. That left me so drained that it sent me off the Barge crying to Warren."

There's a slight shake of her head against his shoulder. "It's the reason I moved to the infirmary. I couldn't take it anymore. I was so worn out that I'm not sure whether I would still be on the Barge at all if I'd tried to keep doing that job."

It sounds truly exhausting, as well as terrible and infuriating. Still, Will suspects there's something else going on. He nods and nuzzles his head against hers a bit, softly- old habit from being a wolf with her. It's meant as a comfort.

"I'm glad you switched, truly. And I'm glad you took a break when you needed to. You didn't let the job break you. I've had a...bad history with that in the past." And yet, he's smiling a little fondly, more because thinking about his time with the FBI only highlights how far he's come here.

"I did...want to ask you something. It's not entirely off topic, but it'll probably seem like it. Have you ever heard of Autism before? It's a mental condition. Malcolm's autistic, actually."

Ulla sighs appreciatively as he nuzzles her tightening her arm around him in an affectionate squeeze.

But there's a soft sound of surprise at the seeming subject change.

"Yes. I've been reading a lot of neurology and psychology and psychiatry books in the past few months, because I wanted to start thinking about spells that might serve in place of different medications. In case Malcolm is ever stranded without his again." It just hasn't occurred to her to apply any of that to herself.

"Oh," he says. Pleasant surprise makes way for a touched smile. "That's so thoughtful of you. Although with those medicines, it's probably mostly dealing with his cPTSD and how that affects so many of his systems."

He can feel himself wanting to go into it. He tends to wander when the topic is Malcolm. So he tries to come back around.

"I mostly asked because I suspect you might also be autistic. It would explain why you felt more overwhelmed in a situation with more people, not all of them people you knew. Not only that, but you were also managing expectations. I'm sort of to the side of autism, but- that sounds like it'd send me into overwhelm, too."

He's used to people not taking the armchair diagnosis well, but Ulla doesn't have any of the context or societal history of what people thought they new about the condition. "It would also explain why you and me and Malcolm got along so well, so quickly...breach aside. What do you think?"

That's...great. What a fantastic idea.

I can put in a request for it. I've been trying to think of luxuries he'd enjoy- and accept. that's one I'm sure he'll appreciate.

Would you like to leave a note with it? Tell him it's from you?

Will allows himself to be wrapped up, leaning against Malcolm as soon as he's able. "It does," he murmurs. "It feels right."

The soft flutter of confusion is slowly easing out of his voice, being slowly replaced by a measure of control. He licks his lips as he sits there, pets his dogs and leans against his fiancé, and he lets himself breathe. A stopgap before what comes next.

"There's something...else. A part of my world that I...I don't want to touch it. But, it's-" He shifts his head a little to look Malcolm in the eyes. "It's going to come back anyway, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I've been making the rounds as a wolf, myself. I used to be one of those people who was far too careful of who I got close to. So I feel for those dealing with that during this flood."

He pets them lazily, with experienced fingers. He knows firsthand now, how nice it is. "Although the more paranoid probably won't take us up on our animal forms. Too worried about what the wardens might be trying this time, or trying to avoid the 'brainwashing.'"

He's been hearing more about Walter's 'ideas' lately.

Malcolm presses his lips together.

He wishes he could say 'no', but...

"Stuff from before the Barge?" Malcolm clarifies. "I.... I've been told it will all come back." He pauses. "Well. That it's all supposed to come back. I'm sorry."

Will nods, looking somewhat resigned. He leans his head against Malcolm's.

"And you love me anyway," he adds, as if daring Malcolm to say otherwise. He's clinging to a world he has the barest details on.

“…Anyway?” Malcolm snuggles closer. “I don’t have any highground on the horrors, Wiil,” he says. “I don’t have any love you, though. All of you. Everything about you.”

That settles him, at least for the moment. He rumbles out a content 'hmmm' and hugs Malcolm tight.

And then he stills, hugs Malcolm more tightly, and then he starts shaking. He finally gave up on Not Looking, so- you donn't have to look alone- it's all- I AM alone!- tumbling out. Like his sanity in a brain fever or his mind spraying into the droplets of blood on the air.

He grips Malcolm tight, groaning at the weight of it all. The 'horrors'- that's not an exaggeration. He remembers the induced seizures, the gutting, the people who died under his watch. He remembers-

"Hannibal." It's the barest whisper.

I am glad you believe so. Yes, please.

No - only if he asks, and then you may tell him.

[ooc: that was I DO LOVE YOU, THOUGH. Fucking predictive text on my phone changing it after I typed it properly.]

Malcolm's brow creases at that whisper.

"...Yeah. The void could have kept him," he concedes. No love lost between him and his ostensible rival, though he doesn't feel in any danger of losing Will to him these days. He presses a kiss to Will's temple, fingers fidgeting with the hem of Will's shirt. "Do you remember your Becoming?" he asks softly. It's one thing he knows is particularly meaningful for Will from that time. The before him time.

[ooc: I figured it was something like that!]

"My..." He heaves a breath, in and out. Because he does, he just has to reach for it. "Blood...and breath..." His voice is shaking. He clears his throat. "They are elements to fuel my radiance."

His shaking slows and he looks up, looks Malcolm in the eyes. "Just as the source of a fire is burning. He...said that to me. And I said it to Francis to entice him. We baited the hook."

“And then killed him,” Malcolm fills in, because he knows this story. “But that stuff… it’s not what makes you radiant.” He takes Will’s hand and lifts it so Will can see the ring on his own finger. “The radiance comes from inside you. Like me. You can tell because it shines through the cracks.” He pauses, holding Will’s gaze for a moment. “We’re the same,” he says soberly.

Looking at Malcolm, the weight seems to be back in Will's eyes, the tiredness- but also that little bit of delight that almost always accompanies talking with Malcolm.

"We are," he says quietly. He raises his other hand and captures Malcolm's between his own. He squeezes it. "But you shine so brilliantly."

He still has tears in his eyes as he leans over to kiss Malcolm, gently. "Sorry I worried you. I've got the most important parts back."

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